


Dosed

by amelie_drinking_tea



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music Store, Comedy, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Modern Era, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:03:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amelie_drinking_tea/pseuds/amelie_drinking_tea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur enters a record store in search of a present for his (former) best friend Lance. He encounters a very odd kid, who helps him with his task.</p><p>Plus, Arthur is not a fan of hipsters (who is, really?). He thinks Merlin is sort of one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The landscape is changing

When Arthur stepped inside the record store, he was expecting to find a dim, dusty, depressing place, owned by a former hippie, who’d just play Led Zeppelin non-stop till his customers felt like scratching their faces off. What he encountered, though, was a posh café-slash-record store-slash-book store and some early Beatles tune filling up the place.

“Oh, brilliant… Another one of those, that’s just what this neighborhood needed.” He sighed as he moved towards the counter. Lance’s birthday was in three days and he’d been dragging the gift buying thing as far as he could, since getting other people presents was nightmare to him. Especially Lance, after all that’d happened. But that was subject for some other time.

He walked past a group of unnaturally stylish youngsters, sitting at one of the several tables, which shared space with record stands and book shelves carefully chosen to give the place a sort of 80's feel. There were posters on every wall, of pulp movies and famous book covers, such as "The Great Gatsby", "The picture of Dorian Gray”, and even an illustration for the “The hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy” hanging above the main counter, apparently from the 70’s, which made Arthur let out a small laugh.

He’d always seen the place on his way to work, but never felt like going in, from the outside it seemed like one of those places junkies go to kill time, and Arthur was most definitely not mixing of those types. Besides, he downloaded most of his music from the Internet, anyways.

It looked like a good enough place to have lunch at, though, and it’d take him half the time he usually did to get back to work, since it was just two blocks away from the company. He had been living in “deadline hell” for the last 5 months, his boss all over his face with the Sigan/Dubois fusion taking place. Even if they didn’t serve real food, it’d still be better than his usual cup noodles.

Still, he wasn’t quite thrilled about that option. Instead of junkies, what he saw was a bunch of high class hipsters hanging around on a week day, probably because they had no other care in the world besides showing off their “I-something” and wearing ridiculous unnecessary glasses.

Arthur sighed at his own bitterness. He was barely twenty-seven, and already sounding like an old man cursing at the neighborhood kids to get out of his property. It’s just that he was sick and tired of working day after day with people who would spend their short amount of spare time playing stupid games on their phones or talking about their phones or getting mad at other people for not answering their phones.

Maybe he was just tired. Maybe what he needed was a decent night sleep. Or someone to actually talk to.

“Can I help you?” a man’s voice got to his ears, making him jump in surprise and let out a low “bloody hell”. There was no one there a second ago!

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, mate!” The guy smiled wryly, leaning lazily over the counter, as if he was taking a break instead of working. Arthur looked at him, angrily; he was regretting entering that place already.

“’Tis alright. I was just distracted.” The man, who looked more like a boy, kept looking at him and smirking, and Arthur was sure he was laughing at him internally. He had really dark hair, and was wearing black skinny jeans and a “Franz Ferdinand” t-shirt, but no silly glasses. That had to count for something.

“Looking for anything in particular? Perhaps Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’ to calm your nerves?”

Or maybe he was just a conceited little twat.

Nonetheless, Arthur had widened his eyes at the mention of that particular album. It had been one of his favorites, yes, about twelve years ago. He hasn’t listened to it since then. Was that little brat calling him old? He didn’t seem to be that young either, despite his boyish looks. Arthur took a deep breath.

“As much as I’d love to revive my teenage angst years, I’m actually looking for something a little less depressing. Wouldn’t want to bring a friend to an identity crisis with a birthday present like that, now would I?”

The other man stared in utter surprise, as if he weren’t at all expecting Arthur to get his mocking tone or his clever reference. But instead of feeling ashamed or resuming to a more professional behavior, he just grinned.

“What’s your friend like?”

“He’s normal, like me.” Arthur spoke without thinking. That was far from accurate, and he knew it.

“Music for normal people, that’s gonna be tough...” The boy kept staring at him, relentlessly. His eyes were a strange shade of blue, which Arthur attributed to that touch of cynicism that’s always tainting people’s features nowadays. Bugger… he was getting really bitter, wasn’t he? 

“Is there anything you’d recommend for a twenty-seven year old programmer who spends a really unhealthy amount of time playing RPG games?” Arthur asked, while going through some old vinyl records placed under a handwritten sign that said “Songs for midnight wankers”.

“As a matter of fact, there is.” The boy replied, following Arthur’s every move with interested eyes, which he pretended to ignore. “Are we talking medieval-themed RPGs?”

“Uhm… yeah, I guess, I remember him mentioning taking a trip to dragon-con or something once, I think he’s into that stuff, yeah…”

“If you call that normal, I’d very much like to see you two get freaky.” Arthur’s jaw fell at that comment, a faint blush covering his face. What kind of employee was that?

“Did you write that sign?” he pointed at the vinyl stand he’d been checking out, trying to change the subject. That kid was making him strangely uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“Yep. Fancy some Depeche Mode?” He winked, elbows still on the counter, as if he was just catching up and not trying to actually sell anything.

“For Lance? I don’t think so.” Arthur smiled to himself.

“I meant for you. You seem to be in need of some good…. music.”

Arthur had to make an enormous effort not to blush again. He hasn’t had a crazy conversation like that since he was a freshman in college and his friend Gwaine had one too many and started making passes on him.

“Are they under ‘songs for midnight wankers’? Because I’ll feel seriously offended if they are.” He tried to sound as casual as he could, clueless as to why he was playing along.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanking, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with doing it to Depeche Mode’s greatest hits.” The boy answered decisively. He seemed to be enjoying Arthur’s comebacks tremendously.

“I’ll just stick to what I came here to buy, thank you.” Arthur tried to smile, unsure of what that sounded like. He turned to one of the posters behind him, and pretended to examine it, feeling totally out of place. He could feel the boy’s amused blue eyes on the back of his head.

“To Kamelot we go, then.” The kid finally moved away from the counter, quickly going over a few CDs on display by his left.

“What’s that?” Arthur asked, turning back to him, the word echoing strangely on his brain.

“The band? Kamelot? Never heard of them, have you?” his tone was slightly conceited again. Arthur rolled his eyes.

“It sounds familiar, actually…”

“’Siége Perilous’ is a great album, I’m 98% sure your friend will have a blast, it’s a great soundtrack for medieval-themed role playing.” He looked slightly annoyed as he said it, and it made Arthur very pleased.

“Not 100% sure? That’s disappointing, coming from such an expert as yourself.”

“The 2% margin is just in case your friend is a jerk who can’t appreciate good music, that’s all.” He kept playing with the CD between his fingers, still unsure about something.

“He doesn’t by any chance own a vinyl record player, does he?”

“Don’t think so.” Arthur put his hands in his pockets, looking away. He couldn’t keep his gaze without smiling, and he didn’t know why. It was creepy.

“Yeah, I figured.” The boy mumbled, handing him the disc. Arthur took it, checking the back cover, unconvincingly. Then he tensed up, realizing how close the other guy was now, following his reactions attentively.

“It’s just…” he started, trying to put the short distance between them past his mind, “it seems pointless getting people CDs when you can just… download songs.”

Arthur was already expecting a snide comment, but he received a serious look instead.

“It’s not entirely about the music, you know, but the gesture. Musical taste is something very intimate, if you get someone a vinyl or well, even a CD, it means you pay attention, you know them in a somewhat deeper level.”

“You say that to all the customers, don’t you?” Arthur asked, making the boy chuckle.

“I just know what people need. It’s a gift.”

“Alright. Wrap it up, I’m taking it.” The worst it could happen, Arthur thought, was that Lancelot would fake excitement. He had done much more spiteful things than that already.

“Excellent! Follow me, sire.” Arthur grinned at the choice of words. Weird kid, he liked it.

That place now seemed not at all unpleasant, he could get used to paying a visit from time to time, maybe every day, if he actually chose to spend his lunch break there. Unusual conversations were a bonus. He followed the guy on his way to another counter in the back when the kid stopped half-way through, as if suddenly remembering something important, causing Arthur to accidently bump into him.

“S-sorry. Sorry about that.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to take the ‘Depeche Mode’ home? “Construction time again” maybe? That album might do you good. You look stressed out, mate.” The boy didn’t seem to mind his clumsiness at all.

“I’ll think about it. Maybe next time.”

“Good. That’s the first step to getting there.” The guy winked again. Arthur found it hard to believe he didn’t get any complaints to his manager about that kind of behavior. Not that he minded, really. On the contrary, it was refreshing. In a very atypical sort of way.

“I forgot to ask… are you paying cash?” Arthur noticed he was getting into the coffee shop area of the store, when the boy got behind a vintage cash register.

“Uhm… yeah.”

“Awesome. You get a 20% discount and a free cookie, then.”

“Are you serious?” Arthur frowned.

“As a heart attack. Raspberry, Cream Cheese or White Chocolate Chips?”

Arthur was wordless, mesmerized by the whole scenario. Not fifteen minutes ago, he had a deadline pounding painfully on his head, the thought of a friend he didn’t care to see too soon, much less buy a present for, plus the disdain he was feeling towards modern life as he entered that place.

Now he was leaving with a Celtic metal cd and a cookie.

“T-thanks.”

“Anytime, mate. Hope to see you again. I’d very much like to know what your friend had to say about it.” He smiled and it actually sounded sincere. Arthur smiled back.

That guy was either an extremely care-free soul or an extremely good salesperson; he couldn’t quite put his finger on it yet.

Either way, as Arthur walked towards the door, he realized he was awfully glad he’d come in.

_________________________//__________________________

When Arhur arrived to the front yard, all he could think of was “I can do it.” It’s not like people don’t break-up every day and remain friends. It’s not like it’s unprecedented. Ok, he’s been dumped, there might have been a slight difference there, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t able to be a sport about it.

Ok, Lance was his best friend, _is_ his best friend, and Gwen was his high-school sweetheart, and it was messed-up that they’d “fall in love” (still not buying that one) right under his nose. He had tried to be rational about it, like sure, he had been sort of absent that last few months of their relationship, and it did feel like they were together, from time to time, just out of habit.

Still, he loved them both so very much, it felt like a stab in the back.

And habit, I mean, it’s nice, isn’t it?

“I can do this.” He thought to himself, getting to the door and taking a deep breath to summon up his courage. Before he had a chance to knock, Gwen opened it gently, sweet smiling at him.

She looked beautiful, like a blessing.

“Arthur. You came.”

“Sure did. How is it going, Gwen?”

“Worried you wouldn’t come. Now just peachy.”

Arthur smiled back. One of the things he loved the most about her was the way she’d say things like that, stuff people usually said in the most sarcastic of manners, and she’d really mean it.

Yeah, but don’t focus on that.

Most of their friends were already there, divided in small groups, talking and laughing loosely. Dead or Alive’s “Brand new lover” was playing in the background. Talk about irony. Arthur couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, remembering the kid from the record store. Wondered what he’d think of that choice.

He hasn’t seen Lance in a while and was afraid things would be too awkward now. Words had been spoken, some of them Arthur wished he’d never said. It was too late for regret now.

Gwen went inside a room to call him, but when he finally showed up, he was alone. “Thank God for that”, Arthur thought, since dealing with both of them at the same time might have been a bit too much for him right then.

But Gwen, of course, had always been the tactful one.

“Arthur! You made it!” Lance gave him a long hug, evident relief in his voice.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Sir Knight!” Arthur teased, calling him by his high-school nickname, trying to ease the mood of their encounter.

Lance smiled, gratefully.

“Got you a present, hope it’s to your liking.” Arthur handed him the wrapped up cd.

“Thanks, mate! You didn’t have to! Come on, let’s get you something to drink.”

When they headed to the kitchen, Arthur realized Dead or Alive was still playing.

“What’s with the soundtrack?”

“Gwen chose it. She’s crazy about these corny 80’s bands”.

“Yeah, I know.” Arthur said, without thinking. Lance kept quiet then, staring at him, embarrassed. Everything was hanging by a thread; Arthur had to be more careful not to let it all go to hell.

“Arthur, I’m sorry, I…”

“Hey! You haven’t opened your present yet! Go on!”

“Yeah… right!” Lance smiled again, grateful once more for Arthur’s effort. “No fucking way! Kamelot? How did you know?”

“I didn’t!” Arthur was honest. “This guy helped me out at the record store. I just talked a little about the gigantic nerd you were and he suggested it. ”

“Hey! As far as I can remember, I wasn’t alone during those Dungeons and Dragons matches. You even mastered it a couple of times!”

“You calling it a ‘match’ doesn’t make it any less geeky, Lance. And I only led it that one time you got sick, ‘cos those losers wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“The point, Dungeon Master Arthur, is that you knew how to do it.”

Arthur laughed out loud at the memory. He didn’t particularly miss high-school, but he sure missed those moments. He missed Lance’s friendship. He missed Gwen’s. It was sad to realize things would never be the same, even though he knew they were both too precious to let go.

The rest of the party went relatively smoothly and Arthur felt it was a good move to have come. Still, he’d feel a little uncomfortable at every display of affection between Lance and Gwen, and though both of them had made every effort not to let that happen, he knew there were people referring to him as the “third wheel”.

Well, fuck. That socializing was brutal he knew all along, there was no good in getting upset over something he was already expecting.

It could have gone worse.

He downloaded the whole Depeche Mode discography that night.


	2. You could have it so much better

“I swear to God, if you don’t change this music in the next ten seconds, I’m gonna slit my wrists and bleed all over the customers!”

That’s the first thing Arthur heard when he entered the music shop that afternoon. The weird kid from before, the little celtic music geek disguised as a hipster, sounded dead serious.

“Go fuck yourself, Emrys! It’s my week! I shall listen to whatever I feel like till Friday!” another angry voice replied, and Arthur followed it to find another guy shaking a record in front of the kid’s eyes. The first impression Arthur had about him was that the guy looked way too preppy to work there, sort of like a mommy’s boy.

“My ears are already being assaulted by this crap! I mean, really, Robin Thicke? Really? Why don’t you just put on a big sign outside which says “Sexists welcome!”?

“You’re just a pain in the arse who doesn‘t know how to have fun!”

“That isn’t fun, you moron, it condones rape!”

“Will you keep your voice down, Emrys? Do you want to scare everyone away?”

“If I’m the one scaring people away instead of this song, then I don’t even want to be around these people anyway!” the kid was getting louder by the second, making several people raise their eyes from their phones to see what was actually happening in the real world.

Not that it looked like the real world. Arthur felt like witnessing that conversation was like entering the Twilight Zone or something. At least compared to his everyday life, in which gossip and clubbing seemed to be the only topic in discussion.

“Fine! God! Just stop bitching! I’ll change it! Jesus, what a drama queen…”

Arthur smiled to himself as he walked towards the small tables at the back of the store, hoping to go unnoticed, trying to put his last meeting past his mind, but failing miserably, when the same voice from before got to his ears, excitement replacing most of the anger.

“King Arthur! You came back!”

Arthur widened his eyes at the nickname, caught completely off guard. How did the kid even know his name? Took a peek at his credit card?

“Hum… hi.” He couldn’t help, but smile awkwardly. He was certainly not used to being around people with such bright personalities. The boy was holding tons of dusty records and a label maker. His wardrobe choices today were more like one of those kids who get bullied in high school over nothing but their clothes, plaid shirt, stupid cartoon t-shirt and some old-man trousers. It made him look even younger.

“So… how did your friend like the cd?”

“He loved it, actually. Turns out you really know what people want...” Arthur stopped half-way, realizing how flirty that had sounded. It hadn’t been his intention at all.

“I know, right?”

“Though Depeche Mode didn’t make me feel any better this weekend.”

The kid smiled broadly, pleasant surprise going through his dark blue eyes.

“You just downloaded everything and listened to it non-stop, didn’t you?”

“I might.” Arthur answered, earnestly.

“You see, that just won’t work. You gotta put some thought into the playlist for it to actually work.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… oh, for fuck’s sake, Mordred!!”

Arthur couldn’t help but laugh out loud when LMFAO’s “Sorry for party rocking” started playing loudly, the preppy kid grinning victoriously across the room.

“I like to think he does it with the sole purpose of annoying me, I refuse to believe that’s actually his musical taste. He works in a record store, for crying out loud! Hey, did you come for lunch?”

“Well, yeah… I mean, it’s not a very suitable place for eating, but it’s the closest to my job… Plus I got to watch you get all worked up over a song.”

Fuck. Was he doing it again? Was he getting flirty again?

“Well, I’m glad somebody’s got something good out of it. Anyway, it’s my break, come, I’ll join you.”

Arthur didn’t even have the time to formulate a reply. The kid was leading him to a table as far as possible from the 90’s stereo playing at the front. He grabbed a menu and handed it to Arthur before sitting in front of him, as if they’d done that every day for the last two hundred years. Arthur was mesmerized by his easiness. 

“So,” he started, “Go ahead and order something so I can tell you about the healing powers of music.”

Arthur went over the menu, surprised to find a relatively wide range of snacks, from which he picked the one which seemed more substantial. The kid just got himself some coffee and a cheese Danish. It all seemed unusual, yet sort of familiar. He had no idea how that was possible since that was just the second time he’d stepped into that place.

“So, first things first.” The boy stared at him with a serious face. “Simple Minds’ “Don’t you forget about me”.”

“Come again?” Arthur raised his brows, that Twilight Zone feeling again.

“That’s how you start a mixed CD to mend a broken heart.”

“Who said my heart is broken?”

“Please. You have that look on your face.” The boy sipped through his coffee, wrinkling his nose at the hotness of it.

“What look?” Arthur tried to sound outraged, but just ended up sounding extremely curious.

“You know, that Michael Stipe look. Which brings me to that second track, “Everybody hurts.”

“I… I don’t look like Michael Stipe!” Arthur felt himself blush faintly, and he hated himself for it.

“Of course you don’t, Jesus, just look at you, you look nothing like Michael Stipe.” The boy gave him a half-smile and continued to glare at his coffee. Was he slightly embarrassed? No, it couldn’t be. “What I’m saying is that you got the depressing look.”

“Is it that obvious?” Arthur asked, actually feeling a little down all of a sudden.

“It isn’t. But as I told you before, I can read people.”

Arthur felt completely exposed, as he hasn’t felt since junior school.

“Fuck, I don’t even know your name. Emrys, is it?”

The boy laughed bitterly.

“That’s just a pretentious nickname. Which I hate by the way. Not as I much as I hate my real name, though, that’s why I bear with it.”

“What’s your real name, then?”

“Shit, you’re gonna laugh.” He sounded genuinely uncomfortable for the first time. That was refreshing, Arthur thought.

“I could use a good laugh. Amuse me.”

The boy sighed and shifted awkwardly in his chair. Arthur was loving it.

“Ok… it’s…Merlin.”

“Now you’re just messing with me.”

“I wish I were! That’s really my name.”

Arthur couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“You see, that’s why I’d rather be called Emrys. People will just assume it’s some weird Welsh surname and will leave it at that…”

Was the kid actually pouting at his reaction? That was just priceless!

“But come on, what were your parents thinking?”

“Well, my mom used to teach Medieval History at the University, and she always told me Merlin was her favorite character from the Arthurian legends, so…”

“To be quite honest, my father named me after the king, but at least he had the decency to give me a somewhat normal name.”

“Well, that just makes you boring, that’s all.”

“But you just said you hate your name!”

“Doesn’t mean I want other people to bash it!”

They stared at each other longer than the socially acceptable, both in surprise for making a huge thing out of nothing. Arthur was the first to break the silence.

“So… Does that mean you’re meant to counsel me?”

Merlin let out a wide grin at that, and Arthur could actually get a glimpse of a golden sparkle in his eyes.

“It is crystal clear to me that’s exactly what it means.”

“Alright, then.” Arthur took a long breath and fixed his jacket, as if preparing himself for a speech, “My girlfriend left me for my best friend, how is it that I should proceed?”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Fuck.”

“I know.”

Merlin thought on it for a while, real concern seeming to go through his eyes.

“Are they living together?”

“Not yet.”

“Ok. So here’s what you should do, wait for them to move in together and set the whole place on fire! No, wait! I’ve got a better one! Lock them inside a room and make them listen to ‘30 seconds to Mars’ non-stop till they collapse! It’ll be a much more painful and slow death.”

“You were supposed to be wise and teach me how to overcome it, not come up with ways to take revenge…”

“Where on Earth did you get that idea from?”

Arthur chuckled. “The Arthurian Legends?” Merlin gave him a very pleased look, as if he was relishing in every word that came out of Arthur’s mouth.

“Alright… since you’re unwilling to take the matter into a more practical level, I guess I could assist you by providing the top 10 best songs to cure emotional hangovers instead.”

Arthur gave him a skeptical, yet amused glare.

“However”, Merlin started, “You must follow my specific instructions for it to have the desired effect. Not downloading it and listening to it randomly, got it?”

“Yes, wise warlock. I understand.” Arthur replied, mockingly.

“Good. So first one, ‘Come on Home’ by, of course, the most amazing band of this decade, Franz Ferdinand.”

“Hum… I’m not a big fan, they seem a little stuck-up to me…” Arthur bit his lower lip, trying hard not to grin.

Merlin looked at him in complete and utter shock, his eyes glittering as if he was about to summon some dark forces, Arthur was preparing his ear for some intense nagging, but instead, the boy just closed his eyes.

“I’ll…” he took a deep breath, “I’ll just pretend you never said that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I looooove Franz Ferdinand! (No shit, Sherlock). Hope you guys like the chapter and leave some comments : )


	3. Different names for the same thing

 “Alright, so what’s her favorite synthpop group from the 80’s?” Merlin asked, crossing his arms as if on a dare. He leaned back on his chair and put on the most serious face he was capable of.

“What difference does it make?” Arthur answered with another question, already on his third cup of café latte. He should have just asked for a bowl. Some days were just shit.

He had been coming to the music shop every other day now and his usual twenty-minute chat with Merlin had become something of a habit, which he fancied more than he was willing to admit, since they were precious minutes in which he could just argue over music, instead of work.

And life. Whatever.

“Oh, it makes a whole lot of difference, it makes _all_ the difference, actually. It separates boys from men, well, in her case, girls from women.”

“How can you even be this dramatic?” Arthur grinned, secretly admiring the way Merlin would talk about little things with that much passion.

Every time he’d set foot in the store, that little indie wanker, unless he was attending someone, would come towards him, asking something completely out of the blue, like his opinion on the ongoing soundtrack (which most of the time he couldn’t even recognize) or his top 5 best grunge songs of all time. His reaction to every single one of Arthur’s responses was always so full of enthusiasm that it was getting harder and harder to pretend he didn’t look forward to it every week.

Ok, it might have something to do with the fact that the kid practically breathed coffee.

Thing is, they had become _sort of_ friends without any effort, Arthur would come for a snack and they’d chat for a while, and if Merlin wasn’t on a break, they’d walk around the shop, going over records and talking gibberish like they’d done it for entire lifetimes before.

It felt… Damn it, Arthur didn’t want to say it. He was most definitely not a sensitive guy. But yeah, it felt like home.

“Alright, if you _must_ know it” he made a pause for the sole purpose of making Merlin’s eyes sparkle with anticipation, “She’s really into Gary Numan.”

“Gary Numan?!” Merlin practically shouted, turning a few faces.

“What?! He’s a pretty decent artist! If you’re into that dark vibe, anyway!” Arthur got defensive all of a sudden, not even knowing why. He’d automatically start gathering information and counter-arguments in his head whenever Merlin’s eyes darkened with some weird musical-driven arousal. He knew a discussion was coming.

“Gary fucking Numan!” Merlin would just repeat, shaking his head, looking like he was actually in shock.

“What’s the matter with Gary Numan?” Arthur would still ask.

“Alright, alright. Just one more! Her favorite female rock singer. That’s it. Then no more question about Gwen, I promise.”

“Fine!” He sighed. How did they even get into that subject, anyway?

Maybe Merlin really was a sorcerer.

“So? Who is it?” Those creepy sparkling eyes again.

Arthur thought about it for a second. What was that, a bloody test?

“Ann Wilson, I suppose.”

“WHAT?”

“Merlin, come on.”

“ANN WILSON? Alright, that’s it. That is it! How did you let this girl go, you moron??” Merlin started saying, yelling actually, no sign of sarcasm on his voice, just real indignation.

“Excuse me?”

“These are about the best answers I got in like - _ever_ , and I’m surrounded by so called ‘music experts’, who come around every week to try and convince me The Beatles are overestimated.”

“Seriously?”

“Have you ever listened to Greek experimental rock, Arthur?”

“Not lately, no.” Arthur tried to hide his smirk. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t extremely satisfied to have pleased Merlin with his answers, even if those weren’t his own musical choices.

Of course, he’d never let that show. The guy was way too cocky already.

It was somewhat bizarre the way they could both be cocky, but in totally different manners.

“These are the kinds of people I have to deal with. Greek experimental rockers! Anyway, what I’m saying is Ann Wilson is a goddess, and so must this ex-girlfriend of yours be, with such impeccable musical taste. How could you leave someone like that?”

“She left me, remember? Whole ‘replaced me for my best friend’ saga?”

“Well, that’s ‘cos you’re lame.”

“Hey! I’m… For your information, I’m a very interesting person!” Arthur shifted in his chair. So much for fleeting satisfaction. God, why did he have to get on his nerves every damned time?

“Your favorite band is ‘The Red Hot Chili Peppers.’ I rest my case.”

“Don’t you start with that again! They are awesome, and you’re a sodding snob, that’s what you are.”

Merlin grimaced, looking beyond shocked. Then he smiled. What the hell? There was something in the air which made them just - banter all the time!

Something in the cappuccino.

Something in the cupcakes.

“Say one song, _one_ song which actually swept you off your feet.” There was that daring look again.

“I’ve already told you I don’t have a favorite song. It proves nothing.”

“I’m not asking for a favorite. I’m just asking for a great song. One that makes you happy to be alive, or even better, makes you wish you weren’t.”

“You’re a creep.”

“I know.”

“Fine! Let me think.”

“Gonna go help that guy staring at the ‘New Age’ section while you're at it. He looks like he needs a hug or something. Be right back.”

Arthur nodded obliviously, going through an extensive amount of songs invading his head, while he tried to pick only one. That damn little hipster. He felt a hand on his shoulder, bringing him back to the real world.

“Just don’t think too hard, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Don’t you have an Enya fan to go hug? Fuck off!”

He heard Merlin’s laughter behind him. Bastard. If he didn’t know him better (did he even know him?), he’d say it wasn’t a mocking tone, it sounded so amused and honest. He took another sip of his coffee and closed his eyes.

The last time he’d felt swept away. When was it?

He was trying to escape the obvious and not let his mind wander that pathetic moment when Gwen had the “moment of truth” talk with him. The “it’s not you, it’s me” talk. The “you know what? I think your best friend is way cooler than you” talk.

She hasn’t said any of that, obviously. It was just how his ears received it, shattered pride and all.

What she’d said was that she felt Arthur was trying to prove something to his father by being with her. Or to himself. Gwen never doubted his good intentions, though. She just didn’t believe his love. Despite her wanting it to be real, sure, she knew she was worth more than the endless trying to make things work. They had to stop pretending. They were much better people when they were apart.

But, of course, a broken ego hurts as much as a broken heart.

Well, fuck.

Was there anything playing on the radio when she said all that?

“Lance and I, we care about you more than you can imagine.”

A pop song fading in the distance maybe?

He remembered taking the tube home afterwards. I mean, what do you do when you get that kind of news? You go home, right? You get a drink at the nearest pub, then you go home. You punch a wall, then you go home. You analyze every little choice you made from your high school graduation till now.

Then you go home.

There _was_ something playing in the carriage he was in, though! Yes, it was a ballad of some kind. He remembered he could identify with some of the lyrics. It is so ridiculous when that happens after you’ve just been dumped.

Something about the sun wrapping his arms around him. Cleansing himself, feeling new. What was it? It felt deep as hell when he listened to it. He’ll take it to his grave, but he cried. An awful pain and frustration combo going through his heart. He tried to sing it in his head to see if he could remember some of the lyrics straight. Before he knew it, he was humming to it and tapping his fingers on the table.

“A melody softly soaring through…” he started, half saying, half singing it.

“Ok, I’m back! Spit it out!” his train of thought was cut by Merlin’s voice, who sat back in front of him, seeming relieved.

“Helped another soul find his way home?” Arthur asked, sarcastically.

“I thought the guy was actually gonna hug me when I found the ‘Alpha Wave Movement’ album he was looking for! He had tears in his eyes!”

“Jesus Christ… Alpha Wave Movement? What kind of stupid name is that?”

“New Age fans are messed up…” Merlin smiled broadly, and Arthur glimpsed at his mouth. It was nice when he did that instead of smirking.

“You’re one to talk…” he said.

Merlin snorted.

“Quit stalling! Did you pick the song?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know the title…it fucked me over when I listened to it, though.”

“Good! Sing it to me.”

“Yeah, that’s happening.”

“How can I know which song it is then?” he sounded genuinely curious.

“Well, the lyrics went something like ‘in my head there’s a grey house station, I send my thoughts to different destinations…’”

Merlin’s eyes went from dark blue to neon somehow at the sudden awareness of those words.

“No way.” He said, after a few seconds, in a low tone, as if talking to himself in realization.

“Great, he knows the song”, Arthur thought. “Here comes the patronizing ass…”

“What’s the problem with it? Wait, don’t tell me. 13 year-old-girls listen to it when they’re sad.” He said, defensively.

“Well, if they do, they’re some pretty awesome 13 year-olds.” Merlin answered, face turning from condescending prick to passionate geek in less than a second.

It kind of freaked Arthur out a little bit. Did Merlin actually like the song? Wait, was he blushing? What the fuck was happening?

“It’s ‘Soul Meets Body’, by Death Cab for Cutie.” He said, practically whispering, which was odd to say the least. “It’s actually one of my favorite songs.”

“Well, how about that?” it was all Arthur could say, smiling idiotically. He could have made thousands of sarcastic comments at that, but he just couldn’t. He liked when Merlin smiled. And he liked to make him startled even more.

Weird.


	4. The more you live

“Hey, what’s the matter, mate? You haven’t said much since we arrived.” Leon’s voice sounded truly concerned. The pub was crowded just like every Saturday night, drunk people talking loudly, bad music playing even more loudly, and Arthur couldn’t be more bored. It obviously had nothing to do with the company, since Leon was one of his best mates and one of the very few people he could maintain a real conversation with for more than 15 minutes. It’s just that, when they went out like that, in groups, no one actually talked about anything, instead, they’d just get pissed, and the most one could get out of it was a couple of whining romantic confessions (he’d been there) or the usual complaints about work (done that).

Arthur wasn’t sure what his problem was. When had he become this bitter dickhead? Was it after his break-up? He had a feeling he’d been behaving this obnoxiously way before he got dumped. It felt unbelievably frustrating. Lance was obviously out of the picture now, at least for a while, and he wouldn’t admit it if he had a gun to his head, but he missed him, both of them, a lot. They were the ones who would listen to his nonsense and at least tried to be sympathetic, the ones with something to say. Leon and the guys were great, but he just didn’t feel like sharing much with them.

Weird how people think they won’t feel like that once they become adults. Weird how they think teenage angst ends after adolescence. Weird how they think they’ll have all figured out.

Arthur was unhappy with his job, disappointed with his friends, dissatisfied with his life.

“’Tis nothing, I’m just tired.” He answered, staring at the pint of beer in front of him. “Party Rock Anthem” started playing and he couldn’t help but smile. He suddenly missed the record store.

“Why are you smiling like a bloody idiot, then?” his other friend Gwaine had suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a drink in one hand and a beautiful girl on the other, who sighed and shook her head, as if she’d already regretted her choice for the night.

“Let me ask you something, Gwaine.” Arthur took a sip of his beer and straightened on his chair. “And I want you to think very carefully before you answer. Can you manage that or are you wasted already?”

“Please! It’s not even midnight! Ask away, Arthur! You know I live to indulge you!” He answered, grinning. It was unfair for Arthur to get annoyed by the ironic hipsters from the music shop (did that sound redundant?) when one of his closest friends was a whole Olympic pool of sarcasm.

Well, life is unfair.

“What’s your favorite band?”

“Piece of cake! Fleetwood Mac! Shoot me another one!” he answered, clearly not half as sober as he’d first seemed to be. It was always hard to tell with Gwaine, he’d be so… Flashy.

“Really? That’s… Surprising, to say the least.”

“Why? Stevie Nicks is the hottest woman on the planet! No offense, love.”

“Not at all taken.” The girl by his side answered, suddenly seeming more pleased with herself. Arthur could tell she’d approved of the answer and was no longer that disappointed by the night’s events.

“What about you, Leon?” Arthur asked, feeling much more at ease all of a sudden. He’d decided to make an experiment.

“What’s with you tonight, Arthur?” His friend inquired, a little suspicious. “What’s with the random pop quiz?”

“Come on, Leon! Make the guy happy! Can’t you see he’s fucking miserable?” Gwaine’s voice was a mixture of sympathy and cynicism.

“I hardly think…”

“What? Am I the only one who’s not expecting to see him back to his normal self after being tossed away like yesterday’s jam?”

“Cheers, Gwaine.” Arthur growled, unable to actually feel angry at his mate, but not at all thrilled by his choice of words.

“Fine! Christ! You guys are such wankers! I don’t have a favorite band, alright? I like solo artists better.” Leon replied quickly, more interested in changing the subject than anything else.

He’s always been the peacemaker.

“Who is it, then?” Arthur asked, genuinely curious. It hit him that he didn’t even know these tiny things about his friends. I mean, he knew about Gwen and Lance, but that’s because they spent a huge amount of time together.

Which he came to realize had not been one of his smartest moves.

“Well, I like Bob Dylan…” He started, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, awkwardly.

Arthur heard a snort and a mocking laugh before he could even say anything. Gwaine had spit half his drink on them doing so.

“Get out of here! No one actually _likes_ Bob Dylan! You’re just saying that so you’ll sound cool!”

“What are you even saying? Bob Dylan has tons of fans!”

“Pfff… Give me a break, Bob Dylan…”

“Alright! Let’s ask Elyan, then!” Leon seemed deeply offended. Arthur was both shocked and amused. He didn’t fucking know his own friends! What was it about music which really brought out the best and worst in people? Their real selves. Well, it was much more fun than five minutes ago, that’s for sure. “Elyan! Get your arse in here!”

Arthur saw his other mate make a dismissive gesture towards them while talking to another group by the counter, closer to the flat screen telly where some unimportant game was on.

Gwaine was the one to drag him to their table, a couple of seconds later.

“What the fuck? Who died?”

“Arthur is feeling lonely, so he wants us to share our musical taste with him, so he’ll know what to wank to tonight.”

“Suck my dick, Gwaine.”

“You know I don’t swing that way, mate. Despite the rumors.”

“Hey! What the hell are you blokes on about?” Elyan had an annoyed look on his face, his football fanaticism showing through. “There’s a game on and I’d very much like to watch it. So if you don’t need me…”

“Alright, alright, just tell us what your favorite band is and we’ll let you go.” Leon said, seriously. Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle at the way he was taking it all, like he needed to defend his honor or something.

“My favorite band? Why? What have you been drinking?”

“Just do it, Elyan.” Gwaine was filling his glass for the third time since that whole conversation started, and Arthur felt grateful somehow that his friends were trying, in their own sloppy way, to cheer him up.

“Ok, weirdos. I guess I kinda like The Clash.”

“The Clash?!” Leon asked, wide eyes.

“Wow, good one.” Gwaine made a face, taking another shot. “Don’t you think, babe?”

“Yeah! That’s an excellent band!” The girl nodded and smiled fondly at Gwaine, and Arthur noticed how she’d changed her posture from the time she arrived, all tense and moody to a much more comfortable position.

Music. Fuck. It really helped you see through people. Arthur suddenly felt like going home and listening to his friends’ favorite artists till he fell asleep. He felt like getting to know them would actually be pretty cool, after all, because they obviously didn’t know shit about each other.

How do people let that happen? How do they keep their friends around out of habit, without ever trying to ask about stuff they like?

How can we live like that? And then complain we’re alone.

“Ok, Elyan, yours is officially the best answer!” Arthur let out a small laugh and finished his beer. He had no idea where he was going with that, and right then he didn’t really care his friends were going to start thinking he was insane.

“Yeah, alright, whatever…” The other two muttered, sounding defeated.

“Thanks, though. I really appreciate your efforts.” Arthur couldn’t get the stupid grin off his face. “You all should be really proud of your answers, you’ve restored my faith in humanity.” He filled his glass again and raised it for a toast.

“Let’s drink to that!” Gwaine shouted, being followed by the others.

On his way home that night, he sort of wished he had Merlin’s number so he could share it with him as well.

___________________________//____________________________________________

The tune filling the air that Monday afternoon was Pussy Riot’s ‘A punk prayer’.

It was most definitely Merlin’s week.

Arthur looked for him discreetly, while he walked towards his usual table. He found Merlin in the back talking to the preppy kid from before. He had an exasperated expression on his face, like the one he got when he was about to lose an argument. Ok, that never happened. It was more like that expression he made when he knew the argument was going to end with no winners.

“Oh, here he is!” Merlin pointed a finger at Arthur, who looked back to be sure he was the one being pointed at. “Arthur, come here!”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Top five dance pop bands. Go.”

“From Britain.” Mordred complemented, looking utterly displeased.

“Yes, Mordred, we’ve established that.” Merlin gave special emphasis to the name, rolling his eyes. “From Britain, Arthur.”

“Ahn, ok, give me a second.” Arthur started thinking without even questioning why Merlin needed to know that. He usually just did, there was no point in asking.

“He’s gonna mention the 2000’s, just wait.” Mordred snorted.

“Extra points if you don’t mention the 2000’s.” Merlin smiled supportively. He bit his lower-lip, seeming anxious. Well, that was gonna help Arthur concentrate alright!

Wait, what?

“Umm, Dead or Alive…” he began, thinking of Gwen. She was the biggest Pete Burns fangirl ever. “Frankie goes to Hollywood?”

Another snort.

Merlin’s smile was huge and he could barely contain himself.

“Flock of Seagulls…”

“Take that, Mordred!” Merlin’s voice was so filled with bliss Arthur couldn’t help but laugh. He was getting a total musical boner out of that, it was more than obvious.

“The Eurythmics…” Arthur went on, half-smiling, his mind far away. Lance had sung “Sweet Dreams” at the karaoke once. The horror of that night. He looked up at Merlin feeling strangely exposed when their eyes met. Dark blue was all he saw, piercing through the very depth of his memories. As if he’d been there before. Before Lance and Gwen and adulthood and cell phones and vinyl.

Always disconcerting, always something there.

“Uhm…That’s all I’ve got.” Arthur looked away, feeling oddly overwhelmed. Those scrutinizing dark blue eyes!

“Looks like you were wrong, Emrys…” Mordred practically sang his words.

Arthur didn’t even have time to formulate a comeback before Merlin practically jumped on him, clutching Arthur’s sleeve with one hand.

“No freaking way! You’re not leaving this store until you spit out the last band! Don’t you dare!” he grunted through his teeth, and Arthur could swear his tone was somewhat pleading, besides the minor rage episode.

“Wow, alright! Jesus! Uhm… Right Said Fred?” Arthur tried, one eye closed as if expecting a punch.

Merlin let Arthur go in relief, bursting into laughter.

“And that, Mordred, my dear boy, is how it’s done! Even you can tell me that was a bad top 5!”

“If you like one-hit-wonders…” preppy boy answered, clearly annoyed.

“Give me a break! Dead or Alive and Eurythmics are solid and you know it.”

“Whatever, I hope you two spend a lovely evening together.” Mordred shrugged, walking away, resentful.

“What?” Arthur’s voice went high-pitched. “What’s he talking about?”

“Relax, sire. No one is doing anything they’ll regret later. Come on, let’s go, let him taste his tears of defeat by himself.”

“Screw you!” They still heard the kid say, a few feet away.

“Wishful thinking doesn’t suit you, Mordred!” Merlin shouted back, triumphant.

“What was he talking about?” Arthur asked again once they were alone sipping on their coffee.

“Here is the thing. I’ve got two tickets for this 80’s electro pop thing Mordred’s been dying to go to, and I might have told him I was taking you, because no way in hell I was giving him my extra ticket.”

“Wha- why? Me?” Arthur clenched his teeth for stuttering.

“Yeah, dollop-head. You! God forbid I’d waste a ticket on him! The guy listens to The Black Eyed Peas for fun! Anyway, you don’t _have_ to go, I mean, I just had to prove him you could… You know, that I had all reason to ask you.”

Was Merlin maybe trying really hard not to stutter as well?

“Well, I… I guess we could go, I mean, I have proven myself worthy, right?” Arthur gave his best bright smile.

“You surely did! Flock of Seagulls caught me completely off-guard!” Merlin smiled awkwardly. What was that? A date? Arthur felt that’d be a stupid question to ask, so he just nodded.

“ ‘I ran so far away’ did play non-stop on MTV…”

“Yeah…”

“Listen…” Both of them started saying at the same time. Merlin shook his head, smiling at his coffee. It was not at all like him to stop mid-sentence. Or think before he spoke, for that matter.

“Uhm, where’s my prize, then?” Arthur asked instead, trying to ease the moment, which had totally turned into a super embarrassing conversation.

Merlin got up, shoving one hand into his front pocket, trying to find the tickets there. He was having trouble getting his hands down there, and Arthur couldn’t help but let his mind deviate a bit.

“There you go!” he finally pulled them out.

“Aren’t those jeans too tight?” Arthur asked before he could stop himself. Merlin stared in disbelief.

“I-I just meant they look uncomfortable!” Arthur quickly said, feeling his whole face go red. Nice, Arthur, well done.

“I’m glad my comfort concerns you, sire.” Merlin smirked. “It’s a date, then?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY need someone to proofread this chapter. T_T Prepositions freak me out!


	5. Vanishing point

When Arthur picked up the phone that night, he was feeling pretty good, “New Order” echoing through his flat like a hymn of freedom. Nothing can exorcise your weeping demons as a good soundtrack, Merlin had told him. Being unable to express your anguish was the main source of all afflictions. Once you find those who can do it for you, healing begins.

Arthur couldn’t help but wonder what kind of afflictions Merlin could have gone through in order to speak of heartache with such property. His snobbish back talk would block any attempt of finding that out and, to be quite honest, he had his own mental suffering to worry about.

It was intriguing, though, as everything involving the boy.

His train of thought was violently cut off when a creamy voice said his name on the other side of the line. He felt a knot in his stomach, like a recovering addict in the face of his favorite drug of choice.

Well fuck.

“Are you still there?” Gwen’s voice sounded worried.

“Yeah, I’m here, sorry. Just went to turn down the volume. I got , uhm - a new cd.”

“Are you having a party and you didn’t invite us?” Her voice tried to sound amused, but Arthur could feel she was a bit apprehensive. In a very dark corner of his mind, he sort of wished she was calling him to say she and Lance were through. That was obviously improbable (but not impossible) and Arthur realized what an idiot he was for wishing over something so ridiculous.

Stuff like that occasionally blurred his thoughts, more out of ugly envy than anything really.

“Nope. Just listening to some 80’s electro rock all by myself.”

“80’s electro rock?” He heard her laugh. “What’s got into you? Thought you had quit the obscure music terminology back when we were in college. ”

“Electro rock is hardly obscure…” Arthur smiled, his face gone a light shade of pink.

“It still sounds too obscure for you, Mr. ‘synth always sounds the same to me’”. She giggled and Arthur could almost touch her sweet laughter. There you go. Chill now. No quake will split the ground.

Don’t let those teeny tiny things undermine the whole show. It’s a bloody difficult one to put on. Don’t fuck it up.

“Well, that was a long time ago, people grow.” That’s all he could say, flashbacks of happier times overshadowing New Order all of a sudden.

Not erasing it, though. And that was good.

“They sure do…” She replied quickly, hints of melancholy in her voice. Arthur loathed himself. “Listen, Lance and I, we… Were sort of thinking we should throw a party next Saturday night, to celebrate him finally getting his new flat. You know he’s been struggling for a while…”

“Yeah, sure…” Arthur answered, pretending he had actually heard anything after ‘Lance and I’. She could have just said ‘Lance’, couldn’t she? She definitely could.

It was his wounded pride talking, he knew it. A loud motherfucker it was.

Was there a top 5 for that? To shut it up? He’d make sure to ask Merlin about it.

“So… Are you coming?”

“Coming where?”

“To the party, Arthur! Weren’t you listening?” she let out a nervous laugh, bringing him back to Earth. The last verse of ‘Blue Monday’ falling like a hammer on his head. Stupid convenient music. Stupid Merlin.

Next Saturday night, she said?

“Sorry, I can’t, I have a… thing.”

“Come on, Arthur, we both know you don’t. It would mean so much to us, to _me_ , if you came.” Her voice was soft, but disapproving.

“No, seriously. I’ve got a ticket for this music event downtown.”

“Can’t you blow it out?”

“Not really. It was a gift. And a tough one to get.” Arthur couldn’t help but laugh at the memory. Right Said Fred, for crying out loud! He could have done so much better. Merlin would later tell him he never had any doubt Arthur was the type who sang ‘Too sexy for my shirt’ in front of his mirror.

He made sure to tell him he wasn’t, just for the record.

“Oh!” Gwen sounded surprised. “Is it a date? You have a date?”

Arthur opened his mouth, ready to give her a straight answer, but finding himself with a lack of proper words. It wasn’t really a date. He’d made a new friend and this friend had invited him out, that’s all. He might have had a couple of mildly inappropriate thoughts towards the guy, but that was just because he was like this force of nature sweeping everything in sight, making everything suddenly bright with spirit.

Wow, where did _that_ come from?

“It’s not a date.” Arthur said, frowning. “I’m going with this guy I met at the record store near work.”

“Oh, alright. For a second there, I thought you might be hiding a new girl somewhere.”

“Just going for the music, really.” Now that was virtually true. Sort of. Pretty much. Yeah.

Then ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ started playing. Arthur glared back at his stereo in disbelief. What the...?

“That’s a shame. I’ll tell Lance, he’ll be disappointed, though.”

“Well, life is made of disappointment…” Arthur let out, before he realized what he was saying.

An awkward silence followed, tainted by Bernard Sumner’s voice saying the wisdom of the fool won’t set you free. Saying shit like ‘why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday?’ Reading through. Always reading through the way only music does.

“I gotta go, Arthur… Ok?” Gwen said after a while, understanding, acting like an adult, because someone had to.

“Yeah, I know you do.”

______________________________________//_________________________________________

The place was already filled with people, and Arthur couldn’t be more relived when he realized most of them were his own age. Not that he was expecting a crowd of teenagers in a place like that, but well, you never know. Besides, the 80’s are pretty pop these days and it’s not that he really cared about what kind of people would be there, it’s just that he was way passed those awkward stages of feeling like an outsider at a party and… Yeah, he was kinda nervous.

He had no idea where he should head for, browsing around in hope to find the spot Merlin said he’d be waiting at, a bit far from the actual dancing area. The Smiths were playing and that made him even more gittery. They made him jumpy ever since high school, like Morrissey somehow knew his darkest secrets.

“Morrissey, huh? Isn’t he a motherfucking wizard?”

Arthur turned back, already half-smiling at the familiar voice.

“He did freak me out a little when I was sixteen.”

“I’m glad you made it.” Merlin replied, no sign of sarcasm whatsoever. He was wearing trousers much baggier than the usual, and Arthur wasn’t entirely sure why he'd noticed that. His Depeche Mode t-shirt, on the other hand, made him grin widely.

“Wow, Merlin! Well done!” A female voice interrupted them. An astonishing young woman, appearing out of nowhere, scanned Arthur from head to toe after hugging Merlin from behind, pressing her chin on his shoulder.

“Curb your enthusiasm, Morgana, it’s the guy from the music shop I told you about.”

“Oh! The Flock of Seagulls bloke! Nice meeting you, sir, you have given young Emrys here a good impression.” She reached out for a handshake and Arthur instantly liked her. Merlin rolled his eyes, fidgeting with his hands for a split of a second, which hadn’t gone unnoticed.

So he had been talking about him to his friends. Interesting. Maybe he wasn’t that lame after all. He couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of himself.

“As Merlin here pointed out so sweetly, my friends call me Morgana.” She had unbelievably green eyes, dark blue side cut hair and was wearing a huge amount of black eye shadow, which made her cat eyes pop out even more. Arthur noticed she still had one of her arms wrapped around Merlin’s waist as they shook hands. They both seemed to be ridiculously comfortable around each other and it made him a little jealous of the whole thing. He couldn’t remember feeling that at ease around a friend ever before.

“That’s a cool name. What do your enemies call you?” he then asked, making Merlin laugh out loud.

Now that felt beyond good.

“I like him!” Her smile was even brighter than before, as she turned to Merlin. “Well, my enemies call me ‘High Priestess’, just after they get down on their knees and weep at the magnificence of my mixing skills.”

“Morgana is djaying tonight.” Merlin said proudly. “She’s the one who got me the tickets.”

“Oh, nice! Thanks for that!” Arthur answered, in surprise. Damn, she was cool.

“Don’t mention it! Besides, I’m only djaying after two am or so. There’s this new kid debuting tonight, he’s pretty awesome, though. You blokes gonna love it.” She turned to Merlin again, real excitement sparkling in her eyes. “Remember Will? He has his fusion touch.”

“Wow! That’s impressive for a newbie!” Merlin said, turning to Arthur as quick as possible not to make him feel left out.

He really appreciated that.

“Arthur here also had his share of experience with electronic music. He was in an electro-rock band for seven whole months in college.”

Then suddenly he didn’t.

“Oh God! Don’t… Don’t tell her that!” Arthur grimaced, as if he’d just tasted lemon for the first time.

“Really? What were you called? I might have heard of it!” She had some of Merlin’s passionate sparkling eyes thing going on too, and it marveled Arthur. He wondered if all of Merlin’s friends had it.

“I seriously doubt it, we had like four gigs and my mission in life is to find the remaining footage of it and set it on fire.”

“There’s footage??” Merlin shouted, grabbing Arthur’s arm in sheer excitement. “Morgana, please! If there’s anyone who can find it is you! Find it for me!”

“Oh, fuck.” Why had he told Merlin about that, anyway?

“Gotta know what they were called first, don’t I? Come on... What was it?” She sang the last words as if talking to a small kid.

“No way! We weren’t even good! As a matter of fact, we sucked!” Arthur felt his heart in his throat at the slightest possibility of anyone other than his college buddies getting to see that.

Merlin got closer, still holding his arm, anticipation making him bite his lips, as he’d seen him do before.

“Do the right thing and tell us.”

It was cruelly enticing. At least he had had the common sense not to tell him his band name before.

“Not. A. Chance.” He said, matter-of-factly, staring back at Merlin’s eyes, as if there was no one else in the room.

“Don’t underestimate my determination.” Merlin leaned over, a mix of hot breath and malicious smirk, causing goosebumps all the way through Arthur’s spine.

“Take it down a notch, gentlemen! We have the whole night to figure it out. Gilli is about to drop the first beat!” Her eyes were focused on the dance floor, where an introduction was heard, coaxing the whole crowd out their low, cheering sounds and banging shoes all over.

The three of them turned their attention to it, and Arthur finally got what they were saying. There was a certain fluidity to the beat, like he’d never heard a dj pull off before. Not that he was an expert or anything, but it did sound great.

He looked at Merlin from the corner of his eye and he seemed to feel the same, absorbed in it.

Then A-ha’s “Blue Sky” got into the mixing and Arthur could swear he heard Merlin let out a moan.

“Holy fucking shit, that’s my song! You two move out of the way!” He yelled at them, disappearing into the cloud of people like a magical creature into the woods. Morgana laughed out loud, giving Arthur a pat on the back.

“He always does that. You better forget about his existence for the next 4 minutes or so.”

“He’s just so… slippery.” Arthur commented, shaking his head.

“Now that’s accurate!” Morgana burst into laughter. She then scanned him again, looking suspicious.

“I hope you’re not thinking you’re getting lucky tonight, at least not with him.”

“What? No! What?” Arthur stared as if she’d just dropped a bomb on his head. “I… We’re friends! It’s nothing like that.”

“Good. You wouldn’t get anywhere anyway. Merlin’s got a torrid affair with music, you know.”

“What do you mean?” The crowd was getting louder, so he just followed Morgana to one of the tables nearby, on top of which there was a small purse she caught a cigarette from.

“What I mean is that very few things and very few people matter to him as much.” She said, holding the cigarette between her teeth. She could turn a guy’s head upside down at the snap of a finger, Arthur had no doubt about it. If there was anyone in this mad little world of ours who could be awesome enough to call Merlin’s attention, it was that girl.

“Are you two… together?” Arthur asked, as casually as possible.

Morgana smiled mysteriously, as if she’d realized something he didn’t. She sat on the table, bending one knee while she leaned against the wall behind them.

“We’re flat mates, but definitely not a couple.” She let out a puff of smoke.

“Why not?” he shot back, failing this time on his trying to make it sound like small talk.

She laughed, clearly amused by his questions.

“We have very different ways of dealing with shit. I mean, I drink more than I should and screw around on occasion to forget the pain. Merlin… Well, he dances naked around the flat to the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack.”

Arthur smiled at the thought, though it made him sad to think of Merlin as someone who’s been hurt.

“So as I was saying, you’re not getting any tonight, big boy…” She closed her eyes, as if letting the music take her soul away at that simple action. “He does fancy you, though. In a very unique way, I’d say.”

“That’s not why… I had no intention…” He stuttered, faintheartedly.

“Good.” Her eyes were still closed, head and arms moving along with rhythm, drug-induced like. “Glad we cleared that up. Now go after him, don’t let me keep you.”

“I- I don’t really dance…” Arthur started, feeling more insecure than ever.

Morgana just laughed again, and said nothing.

Her eyes remained closed and her mind seemed to wander somewhere far away, so Arthur took that as a sign to move. Strange encounter that was, and Arthur couldn’t be more pleased about it.

Strange was becoming right.

It wasn’t that hard to find Merlin, and that had nothing to do with the blood red t-shirt he was wearing. When Arthur got to the center of the floor, he couldn’t help but feel great that that guy, that odd human being dancing like there was no tomorrow, fancied him. Somehow.

Merlin was moving around like he didn’t give a flying fuck about anyone around him, uncoordinated legs and arms everywhere, lip-synching to the song like he was on the top of the world. When his eyes met Arthur’s, instead of embarrassment, he smiled brighter than ever, pulling him by the hand to come experience that out-of-body moment he was having on the dance floor.

“I really can’t do that, you know!” Arthur yelled in Merlin’s ear, laughing.

“Do what? Do whatever you want! Who cares?” He shouted back, spinning and jumping like crazy as the song moved on to Alphatown’s Power of Magic.

He seemed so unworried and free something actually twisted in Arthur’s gut, like he couldn’t believe his own eyes. Right, it was just a person dancing. But no, it wasn’t just a person dancing. It felt like life could be good and fun, and he’d been doing it wrong all along. And he felt lucky to have found a way to make that happen. Someone to walk the path of strangeness with. To fight away the invisible pain.

“Come on, Arthur!” Merlin pulled him closer, making him trip all clumsy. Arthur saw him chuckle, which made him look more boyish than ever. He held Arthur’s hand for encouragement.

“To change your mind, the way you look so tragic…” He started singing along to the corny lyrics, looking at Arthur while doing so. “Can’t you even try?”

And everything was so fucking unusual yet so honest that Gwen, Lance, work, adult life all seemed far from being a priority for a moment. Blue fiery eyes assured him it would be ok.

Weird kid from the music shop was singing to him.

“Guess I could.”  


	6. Headlines and Deadlines

Arthur picked up his mobile, an outdated model he’d gotten from Gwen as a present about three Christmas ago, and sighed at the screen, “overtime tonite, boss spitting fire”. That Thursday was proving to be a burden way too heavy for a sane person to handle. Arthur liked to call days like that “A hellish punishment sent from his angry ancestors to test his self-control skills”. Ok, so he had a bit of a knack for drama. So sue him. It’s just that he was so fucking exhausted, making good money, being successful to the eyes of society, living in a pretty decent flat in a more than decent neighborhood, yet wishing for a quick death late at night. Thinking stuff Morrissey would definitely write about.

He made another muffled angry sound and Merlin just stared, adding tons of sugar to his coffee.

Sometimes they’d just sit together and eat, each one absorbed in their own thoughts. Arthur would do his paper’s crosswords, check his daily schedule (on an actual appointment book made of paper, mind you), and Merlin would just sit there and listen to his music. Neither of them minded the silence, interrupted only by the occasional deep breath or pleased moan Merlin would make, just before taking off his phones and handing them to Arthur, telling him he’d found God once again and he just had to share it.

“Snap out of it. Your sulking is killing my groove.” Merlin said bluntly across the table, headphones still on.

“I can’t! There’s all this report reviewing stuff I gotta finish today, and I’m surrounded by idiots.” Arthur closed his eyes, passing a hand through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck in an attempt to relieve the stress, even for a bit. Merlin followed his movements with interested eyes.

“Why do you do it if you hate it so much?” He then asked, turning off his sound.

“Well, that’s what people do, isn’t it? Put up with stuff they hate? Isn’t that what adulthood is all about?”

“That is preposterous!” Merlin answered, stuffing his mouth with cheese danish. “I’ve never seen it written anywhere nor have I heard a song stating so!”

Arthur smiled at how serious he looked.

“Well, that’s what I went to college for.”

“To perfect your skills on how to make money and be miserable?”

Arthur sighed. What could he say? Wasn’t it true? Wasn’t it depressingly accurate?

“Not all of us can go to ‘hipster music shop’ college, can we?” Arthur snapped, only then realizing how condescending that had sounded. He was about to apologize for the horrible choice of words, right before Merlin interrupted him.

“For your information, Mr. adulthood, I’ve majored in Latin Languages.” He wiped his mouth with a paper napkin, and took another sip of his coffee, avoiding Arthur’s stare the whole time.

 _That_ took Arthur by surprise.

“Seriously? Why do you work here, then?” He asked, honest curiosity in his voice.

“Because I fancy it.” Merlin replied, matter-of-factly.

Arthur stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate on that. He didn’t.

“That’s… actually pretty amazing, Merlin!” Arthur was both mesmerized and confused. “But I mean, did you even try, I don’t know, teaching?”

“I have, and it was great for me to realize I really enjoy it, though I teach something other than languages now.”

“And may I know what that is?” Arthur smirked.

“I teach people how to heal their souls”. He held his head up proudly.

“Is that right?”

“Like that guy over there,” Arthur saw him make a subtle gesture with his head at a scruffy man in his late twenties, holding a cd in one hand, a worried look on his face, standing in front of the British rock section. “You see, he’s about to acquire something by Coldplay, which will obviously prove to be a horrible mistake. The poor man believes it’ll help him go through the difficult times of his life, and it’s my job, my duty, to lead him to the path of Radiohead instead, or at least some R.E.M. if he shows himself too clingy about his bad taste in music and painful motives to be here.”

Arthur shook his head, bewildered by that digression.

“You’re bloody insane.”

“Yes, I’ve been told.”

“I-I could never let it all go like you.”

“What makes you think I did? It’s a different path, that’s all. And it worked for me, I like being here, being, you know, ‘under that light that never goes out’…”Merlin winked, holding his head in one hand, elbows on the table.

“Are you quoting Morrissey to convince me faster?” Arthur tried to look into those dreamy eyes. It was never easy, like there was some sort of magical shield guarding it from strangers.

“I just thought you’d pay more attention to his voice than mine?”

“As if any voice could overshadow yours…” Arthur laughed, clearing his throat at the kid’s grimace. “I mean, you sure talk a lot!”

“Yet you keep coming for more…”

Arthur blushed, severely this time. What was he coming for again?

“Maybe I need some healing.” He mumbled, looking away. “Maybe I’m that guy.”

“I will hit you in the head with a 1940’s vinyl if you turn into a whiny Coldplay fan, and believe me, they are heavy.”

“You’d never ruin a vinyl just to hit me.”

“There were pretty lame artists back then too, you know. I wouldn’t mind a bit.”

Arthur smiled. He looked at the scruffy guy again, and he could swear he saw a tear on the corner of his eye. It wasn’t like him to feel sorry for a total stranger, but all of a sudden, he was wondering what could have happened to cause him to cry in a record store, holding bad music between his fingers.

“Maybe you should just go help him.” He said, unconsciously pouting. “He’s fucking breaking my heart.”

Merlin got up, that know-it-all look beaming through his face.

“He’ll be fine. You probably have more to worry about than him.”

“How can you know that?” Arthur asked.

“Well, he surely knows how to make his cry for help obvious, unlike a certain Red Hot Chili Peppers lover…” He said as he walked away from Arthur, towards the sad lost man.

Arthur snorted, following them with his eyes. He saw Merlin talking to the bloke, taking the cd away from his hands as smoothly as possible. And he sort of wondered about life and shit as he always did when he entered that damned shop. It wasn’t as if he were dying, as if he were hopeless. It was pretty awesome that Merlin had the guts to work with what he loved, instead of doing what he was expected to and all, but Arthur knew those were huge, painful steps to take.

There was always some sort of price to pay.

Or maybe there wasn’t. Maybe it was just the way he’d been raised. He remembered feeling somehow pressured to get into that relationship with Gwen, and he also remembered (though those details were also probably going to be taken to his grave) that he had let it linger, perhaps both of them had let it linger solely out of fear of ending up alone. None of them were getting younger and though it seemed absurd to worry about stuff like that before you turn thirty, the thought was always there, that pretty soon, well, you would be. That times flies, by God, it does. And what would be left, then?

“Well, there’s always music.” He heard Merlin’s voice in the background.

“But will that be enough?” The guy asked, faintheartedly.

“No, it won’t. But it will help you live through it, I promise.”

“What’d you say it’s called again?”

“Amnesiac.”

“Ok…”

“You see that bloke over there?” Arthur saw Merlin pointing at Mordred. “You go over there and you say you want this album, and remain firm when you do it, got it?”

“Why can’t you just get it for me?”

“I’m on my break. Plus, it would mean a lot to me if you did this. Walk over there and tell him. And if he tries to push stuff like Creed or Crash Test Dummies on you, you just tell him you know what you want and this is it, alright?”

The guy let out a small laugh.

“Alright. Thanks, mate.”

“You’re welcome. And, oh, just one more thing.” Merlin smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets. His voice dead serious. “You can, you know, break the circle that’s been placed around you.”

The bloke just stared at him at that, real gratitude filling his eyes. Arthur thought the guy would definitely burst into tears then, but he just nodded, took a deep breath and walked away from them.

Arthur was fucking speechless.

Being in that record store felt more than often like being in the middle of a fantasy world.

“What was that all about?” He asked Merlin, as he sat back in front of him.

“What do you mean?”

Arthur cocked an eyebrow.

“What do you mean what I mean? You pulling the Yoda over there.”

Merlin took a sip of his coffee, making a face when he realized it was getting cold.

“He needed to hear that. It just had to be said.”

Arthur’s jaw fell.

“Wha- what? You’ve been there for five minutes!”

“Sometimes it’s all it takes.”

“Could you please tell me what the fuck you’re talking about?”

Merlin burst into laughter.

“You gotta learn how to see people, Arthur.” He pulled his chair closer till he was sitting right beside him, and looked around, as if searching for someone. “You see that girl over there? Wearing the unicorn sweater?”

Arthur nodded. She had to be at least twenty five. Way too old to be wearing something like that, really. She had her nose buried in a romance novel of some sort. Bloody hipsters.

“Her name is Freya and she’s the kindest person I’ve had the pleasure to encounter.”

Arthur felt annoyed for some reason.

“Former girlfriend?”

Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Not everything needs to be about romantic relationships, Arthur. Just get over it.”

“Well, who is she, then?” Arthur asked, feeling deeply embarrassed.

“She works at the ice cream parlor just around the corner. Her mum got real sick about six years ago and she had to nurse her while she worked and studied. Eventually, she had to drop out of college. Her mom passed away three years ago, after a long period of excruciating pain. She couldn’t even leave her bed.”

Arthur kept quiet, surprised by the subject. He’d never heard Merlin talk about anything that serious before.

“After her mum died” He continued, still looking at her fondly, “She didn’t go back to college. She’s been working at the ice cream parlor for two years now. I’ve never asked her why. Because you know, it doesn’t really matter. She’s made a decision, she wants to stay where she is now. And it’s fine, I mean, she’s the same amazing person she’s always been. It changes absolutely nothing about who she is. The girl is fantastic.”

Arthur smiled sadly, moving his gaze from her to the man beside him. _He_ was fantastic.

Merlin hadn’t faced him once since he began talking, and though his eyes were still on Freya, his mind was once again someplace else, some invisible horizon Arthur could only try to imagine, far away from our time and place.

“What I’m saying is… There’s all kinds of success in life. Getting up every morning and fighting the sudden awareness that you’re all alone in this unforgiving world, well… It’s got to be one of the worthiest.”

Arthur was at a loss of words. Suddenly overwhelmed by this need to take all the pain away. All the pain in the world. He couldn’t read people like Merlin did, but he could see he was talking from experience. About his own, hidden, broken soul.

“You’re not alone in the world, Merlin.” He heard himself say, his voice the voice of a stranger, of a man from another period in history, another moment in their lives.

Merlin turned back to him, complete and utter surprise in his eyes. They stared at each other for a second, before Arthur heard an amused chuckle.

“Of course not! I wasn’t talking about me! I mean, I have Morrissey, and Bernard Sumner, and David Gahan, and all my other good friends to carry me through the harsh lonely nights.”

“And you have me, you know.” Arthur said, before he realized words were coming out of his mouth.

“Do I?” Merlin asked, suspiciously.

“Yeah, well, if you need some words of wisdom from Anthony Kieds, you can always give me a call.”

Merlin let out one of his boyish laughs.

“Oh, thank you very much, aren’t you a knight in shining armor?”

“I try.”

Merlin seemed to think about something for a bit, fiddling with his cup, before straightening formally in his chair.

“You should come over this Friday night, you know. We could listen to The Smiths.”

Arthur widened his eyes at the invitation, caught off guard. Despite his extravagant personality, Merlin had always been extremely reserved about his personal life and space.

“Sure!” He mentally punched himself for answering so quickly. “Uhm, do you live nearby?”

Merlin broadened his smile in a way Arthur was more than ready to admit was the cutest thing he’d seen in a long time. Then he saw him pointing his finger upstairs.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I lived here way before the ground floor turned into a record store, though.”

“But you never said anything!”

“You never asked!” Merlin pretended to feel offended. “Anyway, it’s pretty cool late at night, I like to go to the roof deck and listen to the Sex Pistols while I…” He stopped mid-sentence, staring at Arthur and getting faintly flushed. “Well…” He cleared his throat “It’s pretty quiet, it’s a great place to listen to music. Plus, I give Morgana enough space if she’s got a date or just wants to be alone.”

Arthur bit his lower lip not to grin. What was Merlin? What was he? He couldn’t be real. No one talked like that, acted like that. He suddenly felt so lucky he was being invited into that craziness that was his mind, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed he had to go back to work in a minute.

“Sounds great, Merlin. What time can I come?”

“Around nine?”

“Ok.” Arthur sighed. “I have to go now, but I’ll be back tomorrow around noon. Maybe you can tell me more about the art of seeing people.”

“Sure thing. If anything, I’m here to assist you, sire.”

But he did so much more than that, and Arthur wished he could have said it without sounding too creepy. All of a sudden, he didn’t even care he’d have to work overtime, he didn’t care about paperwork. It seemed so meaningless.

Once he gathered his things and walked towards the door, something hit him, making him turn around to see Merlin going back to his work behind a stand of used vinyl records, starting to place them in order.

“Hey.” Arthur said already by the door, calling Merlin’s attention once again. “About Coldplay… I kinda like ‘The Scientist’. Is that bad?”

Merlin smiled wryly.

“Nah, that one is pretty ok.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys really should go listen to "I know it's over" and "There is a light that never goes out", by The Smiths. Just saying.


	7. Stop me if you think you've heard this one before

“And that’s how I lost my virginity. To fucking Westlife.” Arthur’s voice echoed through the night. They had started with The Smiths, listened to the whole ‘Hatful of Hollow’ album, talked about the meaninglessness of being and shit, then Merlin decided to go on to something lighter, a touch of modern cynicism to cope with all that bitterness. Now the last bit of Arctic Monkeys’ “From the Ritz to the Rubble” was playing on the portable stereo beside them.

“That was a beautiful tale, Arthur, really.” Merlin laughed earnestly, as if drunk on the moment, arms behind his head. The wind was blowing cold on the roof deck, and the city was surprisingly quiet below them. Arthur had proven to be just as chatty as Merlin, once given the opportunity, which had definitely been a pleasant revelation for both of them.

He had never talked so much in his entire life as he did that night. Merlin had been on “listening mode” for a while, jumping in just to disagree with whatever (he couldn’t help himself) or make comments about the song they were listening to, telling Arthur of long lost memories music used to bring back to him.

“How about you?” Arthur asked after a while, turning his body so he would face him. The boy just smiled wickedly and said nothing.

“What? You’re not going to tell me?” Arthur kicked him awkwardly, making him laugh again.

“Uhm… No.”

“That bad, huh?”

“It was very… Disappointing and uninteresting. Not worth sharing. I mean, ’30 Seconds to Mars’ was playing the whole time. What a nightmare.”

“So that’s why you hate them so much!”

“I don’t hate them, hate would require a certain amount of interest, which I don’t have. Bottom line is they suck, regardless of how badly my first time went.”

Arthur grinned.

“Sorry, mate.”

Merlin shrugged.

“I should have just walked away when ‘Closer to the Edge’ came up, but you know, no one can actually get up and walk away in the middle of… Well, that.”

“In the middle of getting… Closer to the edge?” Arthur pressed his lips together, trying to contain a muffled laugh.

“You didn’t just say that!” Merlin laughed out loud, the sound going through his body like waves. “Well done, Arthur!”

“I saw an opportunity and I took it.” Arthur smiled widely. “Anyway, I think it’s supposed to be average, especially when neither of you has had any previous experience.”

“Yeah, couldn’t agree more. But I mean, 30 Seconds to Mars? There’s just no excuse for that. If I hadn’t such a strong willpower, I’d be scarred for life!”

Arthur couldn’t help but feel a sudden curiosity. He wondered about that person, Merlin’s first, and was very frustrated to find himself unable to imagine, to actually give a face to that one enlightened soul who had managed to get him into bed. He honestly had no idea what it’d take to accomplish such thing.

Not that he’d thought about it often or anything. It’s just that Merlin seemed somehow unreachable when it came to romantic or sexual interest, despite the easiness with which they conversed, and besides the fact that Arthur felt more than comfortable to talk about stuff with him, he just seemed… Out of anyone’s league. And that was intriguing.

The intro to Bauhaus’ “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” filled the air and Merlin groaned.

“Oh, yes. Now that brings me back to much less depressing times.”

“Bauhaus makes you _less_ depressed?”

“Of course! If you have demons to exorcise, they’re the ones to turn to.”

Arthur let his body fall back to his previous position, facing up to the night sky, and took a deep breath. He wished he’d met Merlin earlier, during his high school years maybe, or his first years in college, when his mind was full of naïve hope and his heart filled with sweet illusions of what life and love should be like.

He felt alone.

“How can you know all that, Merlin? About demons and heartbreak and what to do about them?” He asked, melancholy taking over his voice.

Merlin looked at him, sympathetically. For the first time since they met, Arthur felt like the other boy was afraid his answer might not be satisfying enough.

“I talk to a lot of people, you know. Each of them come to the store, or come to my life for some reason,” he kicked Arthur back softly, making him let out a small laugh. “And each of them bring something along, each of them give me a silent permission to have a glimpse at their personal struggles. To see into their souls.”

Arthur kept staring at the starless sky, marveled.

“But how come they let you do that? How come they give you permission?”

Merlin smiled again, sadly this time, looking up to the sky as well, as if the answer might be somewhere among the clouds and the fog, somewhere in the gruesome dark of sleepless nights. He sighed.

“Morgana says I should make an extra effort not to fuck up my friendship with you.”

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but closed it back again when he realized he did it more from the shock of that statement than from actually having something to say.

“Why would you fuck it up?” He finally asked, once he realized Merlin’s features had changed to a heartbreaking melancholy he’d never seen on him before.

“I can’t actually have a conversation with anyone for very long.”

Arthur snorted.

“What on Earth are you talking about? I’ve never seen anyone as sociable as you. Really, it freaks me out sometimes.”

Merlin giggled, and Arthur couldn’t help but stare at his mouth as he did it.

“I mean I can’t _maintain_ the conversation for long. People start to think I have some kind of mental affliction or something and I end up pushing them away. You and Morgana are basically the only people who can actually put up with me for hours.”

Arthur was speechless. That was about the last thing he’d expected to hear. How could anyone _not_ want to spend hours with Merlin? How was that even a possibility?

“But I’ve seen you help them, I’ve seen you make grown men cry in the middle of the shop. How is it that you’re telling me you can’t connect with people?”

“I can connect with them just fine, it’s them that can’t connect with me. I mean, they can identify themselves with what I tell them, but just in small doses. Does that even make sense?” He chuckled, faintheartedly.

Arthur frowned, thinking about it. Surprisingly, it did make sense, though he still couldn’t see how anyone would push themselves away from it. He wanted it more than anything. To break free from the suffocating mediocrity that surrounded him.

Merlin glanced at Arthur through the corner of his eye, attentive to his reaction.

“Well, that’s it. That’s my truth. One small ugly aspect of it, anyway. I’m a false extrovert. Hope you’re not too disappointed.”

“Why did you tell me this, if you think it’s such an ugly part of you?” Arthur asked, seriously.

“I know, right? Telling you that people think I’m crazy was like the opposite of not fucking it up.”

“Not at all, I think it’s pretty flattering.” Arthur gave him a smirk. “I mean, I’m just a poor boy, from a poor musical background, I honestly didn’t think I’d reach that high on your list.”

Merlin made an incredulous face, and Arthur could see he was trying hard not to laugh. He seemed somehow relieved, though. He lifted his body, holding his weight on his elbows, and looked straight at Arthur, defiantly.

“Alright, since you’re so self-assured, I’ll drop the real bomb now. Ready?”

“Hit me.”

“I do think The Beatles are a bit overrated.”

“No!” Arthur opened his mouth, faking outrage. “Dishonour!”

“I know, it’s a complete disgrace, I was meaning to take it to my grave.”

“Oh God, I – I can’t even look at you right now.” Arthur kept a straight face, making Merlin laugh uncontrollably.

Arthur shook his head, still feigning shock.

Then a brief moment went by without them saying a word. Merlin skipped a couple of songs on the stereo, seeming unbothered by the silence. Something else Arthur had learned about him was that the boy wasn’t always crazy to hear the sound of his own voice. Something even more disturbing was that Arthur suddenly realized that he craved that sound.

“You never talk about your family.” He found himself say, in an attempt to hear the other speak once again. He was oddly quiet that night, which meant he still spoke an awful lot, but not as much as he was used to.

“Morgana is my family nowadays, and I think I talk about her probably more than I should.” He smirked, secretively.

“How long have you been friends?”

Merlin went through the pile of CDs beside them, and started to check the covers.

“Here.” He said after a few seconds, picking one between his fingers. “ ‘Through the Looking Glass’, 1987. It’s her favourite.”

‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us’ started filling the air and Arthur smiled, recognizing it. It had Morgana written all over it.

“I had sort of a nervous breakdown when I was in Year 13.” Merlin started, casually, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. Arthur just kept listening. “We met in the hospital, she was visiting a friend and came in the wrong room. I remember her walking in, wearing a Siouxsie and the Banshees t-shirt, blue mohawk, about twelve piercings all over her face.” He laughed at the memory, completely disregarding the fact that they’d met under apparently problematic conditions.

“What happened?”

Merlin shrugged.

“You know, high school. Horrible people with horrible music taste.”

“Did they bully you?”

“I think they drove me to actually believing I was a freak.” Merlin grinned. “And I like to think that was the best thing that could have happened to me.”

“Even though you ended up in the hospital?”

Merlin sat down, crossing his arms over his legs.

“It brought me Morgana.” His smile was sincere. “And along with her the beauty of New Wave.”

“That’s a strange train of thought.”

“It gets stranger.” Merlin’s eyes had that sparkle in them again, and Arthur shivered, unconsciously.

“Does it?”

“New Wave kind of brought me you.”

Arthur let Merlin’s words sink in. He couldn’t help but stare at him, who then looked away, staring at his feet. Arthur couldn’t see his face well, under those weak lights, but something deep inside him was sure he was embarrassed by that honest, cynicism free, statement, and all he wanted was for him to show him his eyes again.

He didn’t know what to say. Should he make a joke? Should he thank him?

Should he tell him he’d never felt more grateful for the existence of New Wave till that very moment?

He wanted to show Merlin that he somehow liked his being fucked up in front of him. That he appreciated him exposing himself like that, letting go of the know-it-all shield for a while. That it didn’t make a difference that he wasn’t perfect.

That he could see him.

And that he wasn’t alone.

“I haven’t talked to my father in six years.” He spit it out, not knowing exactly where that was coming from.

Merlin turned to look at him and there was a line of understanding in his eyes, like he wasn’t surprised, just heartbroken.

“Do you want me to ask you why?”

Arthur swallowed his next words, feeling agog. Only Merlin could be sensitive enough to know his bringing it up didn’t mean he could actually talk about it.

“I wanted to be a musician.” He said, voice barely audible.  

Merlin got closer to him, and caressed his shoulder reassuringly, the tip of his fingers rubbing against his neck, absentmindedly. Arthur closed his eyes at the touch, sighing.

“I told him I was going to finish college, he didn’t have to worry about that. I just… He said I was a fool, that my lack of ambition was a disappointment. He said I was no longer his son.”

“Do you still want to do it?”

Arthur opened his eyes, noticing how close Merlin was now, eyes worried.

“I don’t know.”

“I could name you a hundred songs to make you feel you’re worthy…” He gave him a crooked smile.

Arthur breathed out a laugh.

“I have no doubt you could.”

“Siouxsie once said ‘when your elders forget to say their prayers, take them by the legs and throw them down the stairs’.”

Arthur burst into laughter.

“Siouxsie is a god damned poet.”

“She is.” Merlin let go of Arthur’s shoulder, fidgeting with his hands. Arthur could feel his body getting tense. He leaned over him just for a centimeter or so.

“You know” Merlin also said, looking down and laughing nervously. “She also said ‘dreams begin to ache while we wear a party smile”.

“That sounds deep.” Arthur moved awkwardly, trying not to get completely lost in his own words, trying to get Merlin’s piercing eyes back. “But what does it mean?”

“I guess… It means whatever you want it to mean.” He lifted his head up again, and Arthur felt Merlin hold his breath as he got close enough to see his eyes turn into hints of gold.

He saw him. His broken soul. His old soul.

“Could it mean I’m about to kiss you?”

Arthur moved just enough to brush his lips on Merlin’s, trying to be as certain as possible that was all right.

“Uhm…” Merlin mumbled, eyes closed, “ Lyrics tend to be very subjective… So I suppose it’s a valid interpretation…”

And Siouxsie played on.

 

 

Guys, check out the amazing fanart my friend Manuella made specially for this story -> [here](http://manuella-malk.deviantart.com/art/Merlin-Morgana-and-Arthur-437056709)!  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super special thanks to AHaresBreath for reviewing all the chapters for me! Thank you so much, my dear! You've been extremely helpful!


	8. Accidents never happen

The flat was cramped with people Arthur had never seen in his life. “It must feel good to be this crowd-pleasing”, the thought went through his mind, being quickly overshadowed by Blondie’s ‘One Way or Another’, coming from the living room. Bless Gwen and her amazing taste for pop music. Bless her for making everything more bearable for everyone all the time.

He had been hiding in the kitchen for quite a while, letting his mind wander on. He was definitely not jealous of Lance’s accomplishments, but rather proud of them. It was still pretty hard for him to just act like a good friend, though, there to congratulate them on their new place, their new life.

It didn’t actually hurt him. Not as much as it did a couple of months ago, anyway. It just felt… Uncomfortable. Like he was really not supposed to be there, no matter how hard they would have lectured him had he not showed up, since they’d actually postponed it just so Arthur could come.

But what was life but a series of uncomfortable events, anyway?

Well, there was always the music shop.

Arthur took a deep breath, determined to go out there and be a good sport when Gwaine poked his head through the kitchen door, holding a beer. A familiar face, at last. He came to him, tripping over his own feet on the way to the counter by which Arthur was standing.

“I thought you had left, mate! What are you doing here? Gwen is running around like the great host that she is, keeping everyone’s glass full, but I don’t know most of the people out there, like who the hell are they, I was looking for you and I couldn’t find you and now you’re here, all alone… Alone and miserable…” He placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, the saddest look on his face.

Arthur couldn’t help but laugh and shake his head. Gwaine was already drunk beyond comprehension and it wasn’t even eleven pm. Not that he needed to drink to start babbling incoherently, he did that just fine without the booze.

“I’m not miserable, Gwaine. I just wanted to be alone for a while.”

“Say no more, mate, here, give me a hug.” He leaned over him earnestly, and Arthur accepted it, smiling. Sure, why not? He was in no position to dismiss a hug from anyone.

“You know,” Gwaine patted Arthur’s back, sympathetically, “If you’re interested, I know plenty of babes, and a couple of blokes too, who would – like – be completely thrilled to get into your pants to help you forget her.”

Arthur gasped, amused.

“Well, I appreciate it, really, but I’m fine, I don’t need any help to forget, there is - I – I think I’ve met someone...” He stopped talking, not sure if out of uncertainty or simply prudence. It was Gwaine there, after all.

His friend widened his eyes, speechless. But not for long, obviously.

“You’ve got a girl!”

“Uhm… Not really.”

“What do you mean, not really? Did she use to be a guy? Because, you know, that is totally cool. I went with this chick once who -”

“That’s not what I meant, Gwaine.” Arthur couldn’t keep the smirk out of his face, realizing all of a sudden that the man in front of him was perhaps the best person to confide to without it being a big thing after all.

“Well, what did you mean then, Don Juan?” Gwaine took a sip of his beer, seeming more than ready to hear anything.

“I meant I’m not sure I’m in a relationship.” Arthur stopped to think for a second. “I guess I’m definitely in a relationship of some kind, I just haven’t figured out which kind yet.”

Gwaine nodded, putting on a hilariously serious face.

“What is she like?”

Arthur smiled proudly this time.

“He’s like… Out of this world.”

“Oh, it’s a dude, excuse moi. Where did you meet him?” Gwaine took a seat on one of the chairs in front of him, trying to keep his balance, but failing miserably as he had to hold on to the counter each time he made a movement.

Arthur was a mixture of relief and fondness at how naturally his friend had replied to it. Not that he expected anything different from the care-free soul he had in front of him.

“I met him at a record store, actually.”

“Cool, very nice. Music and stuff. Is he hot?” Gwaine asked him, and Arthur made a choked sound, taken by surprise. Well, what was he expecting, a heartfelt conversation in the middle of his ex’s kitchen while Debbie Harry sang ‘I’m gonna get ya, get ya, get ya’ in the background?

“Well, he’s pretty fucking awesome in every aspect...” Arthur felt his face get a little flushed, but didn’t mind much, he doubted Gwaine would.

“Hey, what are you guys doing here, the party is that way!” Lance’s voice filled the room, and he walked towards them, a worried expression on his face. Arthur smiled to him, almost feeling sorry for the guy. Ever since he’d hooked up with Gwen, he seemed to always sound apologetic and anxious when around him.

“Arthur was telling me about his new fling.” Gwaine told him, bearing that ‘I know more than you’ smirk people do when they know they’ve been told something of a secret.

Lance’s expression was of pure joy.

“Really, Arthur? That’s brilliant! Who is she? Do we know her?”

Gwaine burst into laughter, almost falling off his chair. Though Arthur wasn’t sure he was laughing at Lance’s naïveté or at the fly which had just landed on his forehead.

“You don’t know him. He works at the record store near work.”

Lance’s mouth fell open and his brain seemed to not have fully understood what Arthur had just said.

“He?” He blinked several times, trying to process it.

“Yeah, though, as I was sharing with good old Gwaine here, I’m not completely certain where we stand.”

“Wait, go back.” Lance still looked puzzled. “He?”

“He’s shagging a dude, man. So what? Chill.” Gwaine snorted, finishing his beer in one gulp.

“I’m not shagging anyone…” Arthur started saying, but stopped mid-sentence. He was a grown man; he didn’t have to explain himself.

Lance kept looking at him, though, seeming distressed.

“But, Arthur, you’re not gay.”

“Not that I know of, no.” He said, bluntly, finally taking a sip of his own drink, forgotten at the counter till then.

“So…” Lance looked like a kid trying to put two and two together. “How can you be with a man?”

“I fancy him, why shouldn’t I?” Arthur was surprised by his own simple reply. Why did it have to be a big deal anyway?

“I just – you really caught me by surprise here, man.” Lance said, honestly. “I mean, we’ve been friends forever and you never -are you sure you’re really into – that kind of thing?”

“I’m not sure what you mean by ‘that kind of thing’, Lance, but I can assure you it’s been making me feel pretty good.”

“Oh, ok, man… Alright. I just want you to be happy, you know that, right?”

“I do.” Arthur answered, suddenly remembering why Lance had been his best friend for so long. He was the most kind-hearted person in the world.

“Great! Everybody is happy and everybody is getting some, as God intended!” Gwaine stood up, ready to resume to the party. He put an arm around Arthur’s shoulder. “Well, maybe not you, Arthur, you’re a sinner now.”

Arthur couldn’t help but laugh at that, he was feeling much better already. He looked back at Lance, who was still feeling a little shaky by the whole revelation, but was putting an effort into making sure Arthur knew he was ok with it.

“Do we get to meet him?” Lance tried, smiling a little shyly.

Arthur thought about it for a brief moment before answering.

“I don’t see why not.”

Blondie’s “Heart of Glass” started playing, as the three of them moved back to the living room. Arthur wondered if Merlin would approve of that particular song. Was he a flashback nights aficionado? He’d totally have to find that out.

“Hey!” Gwaine stopped in the middle of the hallway, as if something had stricken his memory. “You didn’t answer me before… Is he hot?”

Arthur smiled mischievously.

“Among other things…”

\------------------------------------------------------------ // --------------------------------------------------------

 

“Alright, ok, that’s it! I just –I can’t talk to you if you’re going to act like this!”

Arthur heard an exasperated voice coming from the back of the store, and cracked a smile, knowingly. It just wouldn’t be a regular Monday if Merlin didn’t banter with preppy kid over - well, anything, really.

“You’re the one who’s refusing to accept the facts, Emrys! Can you honestly look me in the eye and affirm that ‘Still shaking in this tear room like a sick child’ and ‘I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light’ is not essentially the same thing?”

“Yes! Yes, I can, you deranged lunatic!”

Arthur laughed out loud.

“Having a pleasant morning, Merlin?”

“Arthur!” Merlin’s eyes sparkled in a mix of anger and excitement. “Would you please tell this heretic that Emo and Dark Wave are NOT the same thing?”

“Totally different vibes, man.” Arthur shook his head, trying to keep a straight face. Mordred got red with indignation.

“What do _you_ know?” he snapped, pouting as if someone had just stolen his candy.

“Arthur wrote for his college paper’s alternative music section for three years, he knows enough.” Merlin spoke matter-of-factly. Mordred rolled his eyes.

“Not long ago you picked on him for enjoying American pop-rock from the 90s, now he’s suddenly a music genius!”

Arthur pressed his lips together, relishing the envious tone of the kid’s voice. If there was one thing which made him fucking proud of himself it was when Merlin would somehow point out his musical knowledge. Even if it was, most of the time, something as obvious as the fact that emo and new wave were in no way similar genres. Come on, everybody knew that.

“His musical taste for pop-rock is indeed atrocious, I’m afraid nothing is ever gonna change that.” Merlin crossed his arms, talking as if Arthur weren’t even there. “However, his knowledge of New Wave’s different branches is undebatable 99% of the time.”

“Oh, really?” Mordred crossed his arms as well, defiantly, turning to Arthur. “Please, enlighten us, then, Mr. New Wave expert.”

Arthur couldn’t believe the absurdity of that whole conversation, but he smiled nonetheless, almost glad the world and all of its odd people could still amaze him.

“Well, Mordred, I can certainly try.” Arthur cleared his throat, thinking for a brief second. “You see, though Dark Wave’s most striking characteristic is its introspective emotional lyrics, no doubt about that, it has an edge to it I fear it’s nowhere near similar to the usual composition of emo music. Partly, because these genres’ choices of base instruments are completely different, but mainly because Dark Wave is, chronologically speaking, much more connected to the original punk movement from the 70s in its approach.”

Arthur glanced at Merlin while giving his little speech and he could swear he saw his eyes change colour as he spoke. His lips were parted, uneven breathing, and he seemed like he had just died and gone to heaven. Of course, Arthur was just showing off and he obviously knew it. But the fact that he knew exactly what to show off was the winning point.

Mordred was almost having a stroke. When Arthur finished, he made an effort to compose himself, then just snorted and pushed the CD he was holding onto Arthur’s chest, before walking away, pissed off beyond words. “Fine! You win this round, Emrys.”

“What is this?” Arthur looked at the CD, confused.

“Forget about this. What was _that_?”

Arthur grinned.

“He wanted to know the difference, so I told him the difference.”

Merlin smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. He took the CD from Arthur’s hands.

“Well, thanks to you, this crap won’t be playing today. Come on, let’s pick something dark and sexy to fill this dreadful Monday.” He moved towards the side counter, gathering about ten different albums and placing them in a way he could check all the covers. Arthur followed him, curiously.

“He’s going to let you pick the tunes, even though it’s his week?”

“Looks like it. He handed you the Simple Plan, didn’t he?”

Arthur smiled widely. “Oh, you owe me big time, then!”

“Don’t let it go to your head, I would have convinced him, I just needed more time.”

“Yeah, right. You were losing it out there.” Arthur leaned over the counter, holding his weight on his elbows, just like Merlin did the first time they’d talked to each other. That seemed like ages ago. Arthur now felt like that place was somehow part of his life and he didn’t even know how that had happened.

He didn’t mind a bit, though.

“What about this one?” Merlin held up an album. ‘Suck it and See’, by The Arctic Monkeys.

“I think I haven’t listened to it.” Arthur browsed the back cover, checking the track list. “What’s with the obnoxiously long titles?”

“You got to get past that. Once you do, it’s actually a pretty decent band.” Merlin kept going through the rest of the CDs, while Arthur observed him. He was obviously not going to mention their kiss on the roof deck two days ago, which was both relieving and unsettling.

“So…” Arthur started, putting the CD aside. “Some of my friends want to meet you.”

Merlin looked up, completely puzzled.

“What?”

“My friends, I – I sort of mentioned you, and they want to get to know you.”

“What did you tell them?” Merlin looked worried, and Arthur felt a sudden hint of regret going through his head.

“What should I have told them?” He asked back, innocently.

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it again. He looked embarrassed and a bit anxious and Arthur would have felt bad for him if he didn’t look so cute. He kept going silently through his music, so Arthur talked again.

“I told them that I’d met you here and I liked spending time with you, that’s all.”

Merlin stared at him for a second, biting his lower lip, before finally saying “Ok, then.”

“Ok what?”

“Sure, I’ll meet them, I mean, you’ve met Morgana and survived so – I guess it’s ok.”

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, you know.”

“Will your music goddess ex-girlfriend be there?” Merlin asked, a sudden glimpse of hope flashing through his eyes. Arthur laughed.

“Yes, she’ll be there.”

“Then I believe there’s nothing to fear.” Merlin smiled earnestly, and Arthur felt an urge to kiss him again.

“Can I pick you up on Saturday, then? We’re going to meet at the ‘Rising Sun’.”

“Music there is alright.” Merlin nodded, approvingly.

“That’s why I picked it. I could be mistaken but I think I heard them play Franz Ferdinand there once. But you know, I might have been a tiny bit drunk, it might have been Kaiser Chiefs instead.”

“You bastard. How dare you?” Merlin made an indignant face, piling up the CDs again.

Arthur chuckled, triumphantly. “Nine thirty then?”

“Yeah, fine, just quit harassing my favorite band!” Merlin walked to the old stereo, putting in the CD he’d chosen. ‘She’s Thunderstorms’ started playing.

“I told them something else about you.” Arthur said, and Merlin’s eyes widened again in shock. Arthur was beginning to see that social anxiety he’d claim to suffer from in spite of being so mouthy. “I told them you’re amazing.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Was everything Merlin could say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks once again to AHaresBreath for reviewing the chapter!


	9. Turn into

“So...” Gwen started, after sipping the cup of tea Arthur had placed before her. “How are you?”

Right. So that’s how they were going to do this. Like adults. Arthur let out a heavy, resigned sigh.

“I’m doing alright. How about you?” Rehearsed words rolled out of his mouth, as he forced himself to keep his cool.

“I’m doing great.” She smiled sweetly, taking another sip of tea. Arthur’s living room had never felt so much like a psychologist’s office like it did then. He hated it. It made him have childhood flashbacks. Counseling is always fun when you’re thirteen. “So, Arthur, how are you doing today?” “Are you still having nightmares about your mum?” “Do you want to talk about her?” “How is it going with your dad?” “Are you ready to tell me how you feel about him?”

He remembered coming home once after a “counseling session” and turning on his television. Those good old days when MTV was proud of being uncool. He really enjoyed just lounging there the whole afternoon. His father was never home and he was a procrastinator (which thirteen year old isn’t?), so he wouldn’t do any homework till he had officially tried every form of potato couching there was. It was just him and MTV till dark. The Red Hot Chili Peppers had just released a new song called “Scar Tissue” and that song meant a lot to him because it was the first time he had felt actual comfort in words, a sense of not being alone. A sense of shared pain. The lyrics were weird and he wasn’t sure what they were talking about. It didn’t matter.

It was the first time he realized music could make a difference.

Fuck, that was a hundred years ago.

Now Gwen had the same look on her face, the same sympathizing look, the same concerned eyes as his school counselor. “Are you ok, Arthur?” “How’s work?” “Have you been sleeping well?” “Do you want to talk about how you mistakenly think you’re gay now?”

Instead, she just asked “Do you want to talk?” Because she was Gwen, and Gwen was caring, and she always knew what to say. And her worries were genuine, not the result of jealousy or narrow-mindedness. And Arthur knew it.

It didn’t make it any less awkward, though.

“No, I don’t, but I have the feeling you might want to ask me a couple of questions.” Arthur leaned back on the sofa, willing her to get it over with.

“So I hear you have someone in your life now.”

“I have plenty of people in my life, whether I like it or not.” He answered. He really didn’t mean to sound rude or anything, it just happened whenever he talked to Gwen about serious stuff. It was a terrible habit he couldn’t seem to put behind him. He’d _always_ get defensive around her. Because, unfortunately, her judgment mattered the world to him. And he knew it always would.

And there was that immature feeling of being betrayed, yes. Of being betrayed even though there was no commitment. Not now, not then, not ever. Pride, that’s all. The mortal enemy of happiness.

“Quit acting like a kid for once, Arthur. You know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes, I do. So why can’t you just ask it, then?”

“I want to hear you say it.” She glared at him with those big brown eyes, those truthful eyes he’d taken for granted for so long.

“I met this guy and I think I may be falling for him. Is that so weird?”

“Are you sure that’s how you feel?”

“No.” Arthur’s quick reply took himself by surprise.

“No?” She repeated, looking confused.

Arthur thought about it for a second. No, he wasn’t sure of anything. So what?

“There’s just something about him… You know? And I really don’t want to talk to you about that, but I owe you this much, I guess. You see, it’s like… I was lost before he came along, and now I’m still lost, but not terrified about it. Does it make any sense?”

Gwen gave him a melancholic smile.

“Will you be pissed off at me if I tell you that’s how I felt around Lance when we were still together?”

“You were honest with me from the start. Why would I be pissed off at you?”

“Because we never had that?”

Arthur smiled back, feeling both sad and relieved.

“Well, that wasn’t our fault.”

“Remember when we first met?”

“Sure.”

“Remember I told you I could learn to love you?”

“Yeah.”

“That should have been our first clue, right?”

She looked so sorry about everything, Arthur crossed the room and sat beside her. He took her hands in his and smiled reassuringly.

“You were one of the best things to have happened to me, Gwen. I regret nothing. But like you said, there was never anything there. There was just wishful thinking, I guess.”

“I know” She held his hand tighter, and Arthur felt like they both needed what was coming. “I don’t want to sound like an egocentric bitch, but I just need you to tell me you’re not doing this because of us. I need you to assure me you’re not trying to get back at us. You know I love you and I just want you to be ok, but you have to be completely honest with me, Arthur. I don’t want any more miscommunication between us.”

Arthur held her hands tight and kissed them.

“I’m not doing this out of spite or anything, promise. I was… In a bad place, Gwen. And things are starting to look brighter.”

“Because of Merlin?”

“Because of what he’s brought me, sure. But also because you guys are brilliant, and I’m lucky to have you as my best friends.”

Before Arthur could say anything else, he felt loving arms around him.

“You’re a difficult person with bad taste in music, Mr. Pendragon.” Gwen laughed, hugging Arthur tight. He’d never felt more grateful for a hug in his life. He played with her hair.

“And you’re indeed a goddess, Guinevere. In all senses.”

Gwen burst into laughter, breaking the hug to face him.

“Where did that come from?”

“That’s what Merlin calls you every time I mention you.” Arthur answered playfully. “And I can’t argue with that, you know.”

“Well, why haven’t you told me he was such a sensitive soul?” She laughed, lightheartedly.

Arthur smiled once again, feeling his own heart getting lighter and lighter till all the resentment he’d felt for so long, towards not only Gwen and Lance but life itself, was nothing but a distant feeling, from a distant musicless time.

________________________________________________________________________//________________________________________________________

 

‘The Rising Sun’ was a local pub where people usually went for the environment itself, rather than to get pissed. Arthur used to go there all the time with Gwen and Elyan when they were in college. He had actually played there once, during that reckless musical experimentation period of his. Not that Merlin had to know about that, obviously. He’d be glad if no one ever mentioned those years ever again. Ever. There was way too much leather and piercings and awful bass playing involved. Dark times.

He’d forgotten, though, that discretion and his best mates were two very incompatible things.

“Then Arthur threw the bass up like he’d seen Flea do in a concert once, and it hit his own forehead on the way down! Remember that, Gwen?” Elyan was laughing his arse off, as was everybody at the table, already on their fourth round.

“Do I?” Gwen turned to Merlin and opened up the most satisfied of grins. “The twat kept playing even though he couldn’t see shit because of all the blood!”

Merlin couldn’t contain his laughter, little tears of joy around his eyes.

“Excuse you, I was punk rock!” Arthur said, pretending to feel offended. He was glad Merlin was laughing, for that meant he wasn’t feeling completely awkward, after all. When he arrived that night, most of the gang was already there, and Arthur was getting pretty freaked out, worried he wouldn’t show up. Merlin had a really concerned look on his face as he introduced himself to everyone, and though Gwen and Lance tried their best to make him feel at ease, Arthur knew he wasn’t feeling comfortable at all.

Because, seriously, twenty minutes without him commenting on the background music had to be a bad sign.

He kept quiet for most of the time, nodding and answering people’s questions about his job and his major, and Arthur was more than grateful to the fact that none of them had actually brought up the subject of their relationship to the table.

Because he honestly had no idea what to tell them about that.

“So Arthur tells me you are a fan of “Heart”, is that true?” Gwen had asked after a while, and that was the best thing she could have said to Merlin, god bless her soul.

Merlin’s eyes had widened at the question, and Arthur was relieved to see the gold sparkling there. Finally.

“Oh, God, yes! They are fantastic! Ann Wilson’s got to be one of the best female rock singers in the world!”

“I know, right? I keep telling Lance we have to see them live before they break up, can you imagine the experience that would be?”

“Oh, I saw them live! They came to Cardiff in 2011 and it was, wow… A night to remember!”

Gwen opened her mouth as if she was about to scream, but no sound came out, she then covered her eyes and moved up and down on her chair, excitingly.

“No way! No fucking way! I would have killed to go to that concert! I was working night shifts back then, so I couldn’t go! Gosh, I’m so jealous of you right now!”

And that was the beginning of a heartfelt conversation about folk rock and Arthur didn’t even mind that Merlin’s complete focus was now on Gwen, he was just happy to realize this could work. This could be fun. This could be alright.

Then after some time, the whole attention was turned to Arthur and they turned the act of picking on him and embarrassing him in front of Merlin (maybe especially for Merlin?) into a national sport or something.

And that was where they found themselves now, reviving his embarrassing college years.

“So…” Merlin started, timidly. “I remember hearing somewhere there’s some footage of one of your gigs…”

“No!” Arthur practically shouted, staring around. “Don’t any of you dare!”

“Uhm… I’m pretty sure there’s something on my computer…” Lance smiled mischievously. “Oh wait, I might have something here on my phone!”

Arthur’s face changed into all possible shades of red, before Lance patted him on the back, the most amused Arthur’d seen him look in a long time.

“I’m just messing with you, mate!” He then turned to Merlin, who seemed to be loving every second of Arthur’s distress, as if they were sharing a secret. “But I really have got a couple of videos of them playing back home, I’ll show you sometime.”

“That’d be great, I’ve been trying to put my hands on it for a long time!” Merlin smirked, looking at Arthur from the corner of his eye.

“Hey, Lance! Show him that picture you keep in your wallet! Of when you posers used to hang at the ‘Fallen Kings’!” Percy shouted at them, already on his fifth pint. The music was getting louder and everyone was starting to dance.

“That one I do have on me!” Lance got up, going for the wallet on his back pocket. Arthur wanted to dig a hole and die and he hadn’t felt like that since – well, since around the time that picture had been taken, really.

“Why are you all so keen on making me look like a git?” Arthur slapped Lance on the back of the head, making him laugh even louder.

“Because it’s just so much fun, Arthur!” It was Gwaine’s turn to bash him , apparently, and Arthur was starting to get worried Merlin would find them all insane. “Besides, we can’t let Merlin go home tonight without showing him every single aspect of your delightful self!”

“That we really can’t do.” Gwen chipped in, smiling and glancing at Merlin, whose face was getting slightly pink now, Arthur had noticed, probably because of the drinks. But maybe not.

Lance then turned to him to show the infamous picture. It was an old polaroid of Arthur, Lance and Elyan, leaning against a wall and holding beers and smoking, as if posing for a punk album of some kind. Arthur wasn’t very interested in the picture itself, actually, since he’d seen it a thousand times.

He was more interested in Merlin’s reaction towards it. But all he could get from his deeply amused expression was that he was about to listen to witty comments and jokes about it from now on. Probably every single day till the end of time.

He said nothing right then, though. Just smiled broadly, seeming highly entertained, biting his lower lip to refrain from comment, but not managing to stop his laughter. He was definitely quieter than his usual, and Arthur couldn’t blame him. That wasn’t his natural habitat, after all. But that didn’t stop him from enjoying himself.

“I used to frequent the ‘Fallen Kings’ when I was younger too. There were some pretty awesome garage bands performing there.” He said, after a while, when everyone was done with the nagging, and he finally had a relatively private moment with Arthur.

“Maybe we’ve bumped into each other before, then.” Arthur smiled, wanting more than anything to touch him. Anywhere.

“Nah, I would have remembered.” Merlin managed to say, looking away.

“Would you?”

“Yeah, I mean, who wouldn’t remember a hot blond in leather jacket and eyebrow piercing?”

“Give me a break, I was still feeling the heat of the nineties, alright? I mean – wait, did you say ‘hot blond’?”

“I might have said that, yeah.”

 Merlin smiled again, still avoiding his direct look. Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Date with the Night” started playing. Merlin closed his eyes, moving his head with the beat.

“You know, I was really into the Smiths back then. I could have recited you the lyrics to ‘The Boy with the Thorn in his Side’ to impress you.”

“And I would have been impressed.” Merlin answered, and for the first time, no witty comebacks left his mouth.

Arthur felt like he’d just won the fucking lottery.

______________________________________________________________________//_________________________________________________________

 

The night was cold but the lights were still bright on the front signs of the pubs and stores downtown, as they walked back to the music shop building. Each of them with their hands shoved inside their pockets for warmth.

“So how did you like them?” Arthur asked, curiously.

“They’re brilliant! Gwen is everything I thought she’d be and the others are awesome too! Were you trying to compensate your awful taste in contemporary music by getting wonderful friends?” He said, the sarcastic higher pitch of his voice making Arthur burst into laughter in the middle of the street.

“Oh! I see someone is back to _their_ delightful self! Good! I was beginning to worry!”

Merlin let out a quiet ‘not gonna give you the satisfaction of seeing through me’ laugh at that.

“No, I mean it. They’re cool. I like them.”

“I’m glad.” Arthur replied, realizing they were getting closer to the shop.

“I mean, I was freaking out when I got there, and I thought about blowing you off seconds before leaving, and Morgana had to practically kick me out, but… Yeah, I had fun.”

Something hit Arthur when he heard those words, and he had to stop midway, holding Merlin’s arm.

“Merlin, listen, I don’t want to creep you out, but I got to say this before I miss the opportunity. You – you are fucking great, you know that, right?”

Merlin blushed a little, trying to keep Arthur’s gaze. “I -I thought I was pretty lame tonight…”

Arthur gasped, disbelieving.

“No, you weren’t! You – there’s something about you, I mean, you fucking changed my life, man!” He spoke, only then realizing what he’d said. He wasn’t sorry.

“What… What are you…?”

“I mean it, you have no idea how much of a difference this… This thing we have, whatever this is, I don’t really care what people might call it… This made everything better for me. I’m on good terms with my friends again and I didn’t think that’d be possible. You - you kinda saved me, you know?” Arthur scoffed, feeling awkward. “Ok, that sounded way cooler in my head.”

“I… You…” Merlin stared at him, confused, and that was the very first time Arthur had seen him speechless. He then got closer, touching Arthur’s cheek, like he was trying to understand, then gently stroking his hair. His hands were cold, but his voice had the heat of a thousand power ballads.

“I’m really glad I found you too.” He said in a whisper, inches from Arthur’s mouth. “I think I fancy you more than music.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge "thank you" once again to AHaresBreath for reviewing it for me! <3


	10. The end has no end

Arthur woke up that morning feeling very unusual. He looked outside the window and saw nothing but shapeless clouds and a couple of apartment buildings. The perks of living on the ninth floor. It all seemed gray and sad, and on top of that, it was Monday.

He felt alright, though. Satisfied somehow, as he hadn’t felt in ages. So what if he had to go to work and do stuff he didn’t particularly love doing? So what if he had to wake up and go over the same boring routine day after day? It was just a part of his life, he shouldn’t beat himself up over it. The money was good, and, breaking news, it’s good to have money. And fuck him if he knew where all those thoughts were coming from right in the middle of breakfast.

He went over to his radio and decided to listen to it for a while, just to kill time. After tuning it to a random station, he went back to his table to finish his coffee, the announcer’s voice still babbling on about hair dye or something. What did it matter, anyway?

The whole concept of doing what you love is twisted. Doing what you love all the time, they mean? Or doing what you love whenever you can because most of the time you just have to do what you need?

And if the last option was the one to go to, would it be really that bad?

Of course, Merlin was an exception. He had that full time doing-what-you-love thing going on.

But maybe that just wasn’t meant for everybody. It wasn’t a question of success, though, and now it seemed so clear it was almost stupid. Not seeing it before.

It was simply a matter of not feeling like a twenty seven year old bitter man. And that was something.

About two days ago, Merlin had called to invite him to a “promotional concert” in the store. Arthur had obviously never heard the term before, and it sounded way too capitalistic to be even leaving Merlin’s mouth, but apparently, it was a very common thing music shops did.

“I think you’re mistaking me for Bono or something.” Merlin had said, his laughter addictive as ever, even over the phone. Arthur smiled.

“So what is it exactly? A band is performing inside the store? Is that it? Is there enough space for it?”

“Oh yeah, we’ve done it before! It’s the coolest thing, because we have permission to open the shop at night twice a year and people come from everywhere, we’re actually sort of famous for it, really.” Merlin had sounded so proud and excited, Arthur wished with all his might he could just snog him senseless.

“We need a permit, you know, it being a residential building and all…” Merlin was still talking and Arthur started laughing. He managed to be even more of a blabber over the phone and Arthur thought it was hilarious. “And you can invite your friends if you want too, Gwen would dig it for sure!”

“Merlin, be honest, are you in love with her? Because I don’t think I have the emotional stability to lose her to another guy again.” Arthur heard a loud snort on the other side of the line, which amused him deeply.

“You didn’t lose her, you wanker, she had the common sense to drop you before you forced her into a relationship made fully of awful grunge songs from terrible Seattle bands.”

“Lucky me you’re not picky about that kind of thing at all.”

“You are indeed lucky to have me.” He had said, and Arthur couldn’t argue with that.

The sky was still grey. The world hadn’t suddenly become a better place.

But fuck it, really.

Because so much had changed since that first day he entered the store to look for a present. He’d been reminded of so much about himself, his true passions and his fantastic friends, that he couldn’t bring himself to mourn that Monday morning, not even if he tried really hard.

The Strokes “What Ever Happened” start playing and Arthur leaned back on his chair, closing his eyes and sipping through his coffee. He smiled. Not even Julian Casablancas could bring him down.

________________________________//__________________________________________

The place was much more crowded than Arthur had expected. They had closed the whole street and there were people everywhere, even sitting on the sidewalks, drinking beer, being all cheerful while sharing music on their phones.

Arthur saw a van pulling over, and some blokes unloading musical equipment and taking it inside. Some of the guys were probably band members themselves since there were a couple of people asking to take pictures with them and all.

Or maybe they had a thing for roadies.

“True hipsters.” Arthur thought to himself, smiling, not a trace of bitterness going through his head though.

It was like a big renaissance fair (not that Arthur had been to many, ok, except three or four, but who’s counting, really?), only the geeks here were a bit different. There weren’t elaborate costumes involved or anything. And the difference kind of ended there.

“Hey! You’re early!” Arthur turned around to see Merlin trying to jump over some boxes someone had left at the entrance.

“It doesn’t look like it, the place is full.”

“Oh yeah, these guys, they wait for it all year…” Merlin said, casually, looking around. Arthur gave him a knowing smirk.

“Ok. Ok!” Merlin made a dramatic defeat gesture. “Who am I kidding? I’m just like them, alright? I shall not feel ashamed!”

“They seem like an interesting crowd…” Arthur laughed. “Gwen and Lance will come around later, and Gwaine said he’d probably come check it out too, but he was already pissed when I left him, I’m not even sure he’ll find his way home tonight.”

“Well, it’s good enough that he showed some interest. This band has loads of potential, wait till you hear them.”

“Have you listened to them?”

“Hell yeah! I even got their t-shirt.” Arthur followed him inside to one of the counters at the back. They had sort of rearranged it, so it looked much bigger now. Merlin showed him a black t-shirt with the picture of a headless cat on it, above which it read “The Schrödingers”.

“Oh, witty!”

“I know, right? Don’t you love them already? They’re like this post punk mixed with electro-pop, it’s like, oh god… And the bass lines…” Merlin closed his eyes, leaning against the counter as if the sounds were getting inside him, and he couldn’t control himself.

Arthur just looked at him, hypnotized.

“You can’t keep doing that, you know?” He straddled Merlin, getting close enough to make their bodies touch. “There are underage kids around.”

Merlin opened his eyes, realizing what it looked like. Arthur grinned when he noticed how flustered he’d gotten.

“I-I can’t help myself.” He managed to say, sliding his fingers tentatively through the side of Arthur’s body. “They are really good, you know.”

“Well, I haven’t heard them yet. You think I’ll receive the honour soon?” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear. He heard a very low moan, which went straight to his spine, making him shiver.

“I’m not entirely sure you deserve it.” Merlin touched the back of Arthur’s neck, going for his mouth. Arthur smiled, holding Merlin’s hips, trying to restrain himself from touching him all over.   

“Can you two get a room, please? You’re making that guy over at the Folk Metal session a bit uncomfortable.” Arthur let Merlin go, turning back to the voice behind them.

“Morgana!” Merlin said, excitingly. “You made it!”

“Of course I did! I told Aredian ‘you find someone else to DJ tonight, I’ve got a new sound to check out’ ” She said, patting Arthur on the back. “Sorry for cock blocking you, love. No hard feelings, yeah?”

“None at all. Looking good as always, High Priestess.” He smiled at the vision before him. It was hard not to stare at Morgana when she entered the place.

“Why thank you, you look absolutely charming yourself. So, when are these guys getting on with it? I’m very curious to hear them.”

“In an hour or so. Oh, Morgana, you’re gonna lose it! The bass player, Elena, she’s got this John Entwistle thing going on, I’m not even joking…”

“Jesus, say no more! Where can I find her?” Morgana started to look around, determinedly.

“I saw one of the guitar players taking something to the stock room, maybe she’s over there with…” Merlin hadn’t even finished talking, when Morgana started walking away, waving at them dismissively.

“If I’m not back in twenty minutes…” She shouted from afar, “Well, you guys just keep doing what you were doing!”

Merlin laughed, mischievously.

“She can’t resist a talented bass player. The music critic in her goes mad.”

Arthur hugged him from behind without thinking twice, resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. “You really know people, huh?”  

Merlin smiled, turning back slightly to kiss him on the cheek, such innocent gesture catching him by complete surprise.

“People are interesting, Arthur. They really are.”

___________________________________________//____________________________________

Arthur was really impressed by how great the band actually sounded. They indeed deserved to be promoted. Most of the people around seemed to agree, once their third song started playing and not one person could keep their feet down, bodies bumping all over the place, inside and outside the store.

They had removed most of the coffee tables, chairs and stuff, so there was actually quite a lot of space for people to dance. And they did, God, they did. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he had had that much fun.

Lance and Gwen had arrived right before the band had introduced themselves and Arthur was beyond himself. It was the first time he could honestly say he was happy to see them together and it brought him a strange kind of peace.

“Oh my goodness, they are brilliant, Merlin!” Gwen had shouted, trying to make herself heard. “Even Lance is into it, and he usually only listens to medieval music or whatever.”

“It’s not medieval! It’s Celtic!” Lance shouted back, dancing awkwardly. Gwen shook her head, still smiling at Merlin, making that “he doesn’t even know what he’s saying” face.

“Arthur, tell her it’s Celtic! You know the difference!” Lance turned to Arthur, who was laughing his arse off.

“I don’t think she cares to hear it, mate!”

Another song had just ended, and the cheering got louder. The lead singer, a red-haired bloke wearing glasses and a velvet jacket, thanked the crowd.

“Our bassist would like to dedicate this next song to someone she’s met tonight. In her words, ‘a real fucking badass queen’. So this song is for you, Morgana, rock on!”

“No way!” Arthur shouted looking at Merlin, who had looked back at him at the same time, laughing. “How does she even do it?”

“She’s a witch, Arthur. And some of her abilities include being witty, gorgeous and _very_ persuasive.”

“Oh, so that makes you a wizard, I suppose.”

“I thought that point had already been made long ago. Come on.” Merlin laughed, pulling Arthur by the hand to a more private area, which was easy to find, considering most of the people were gathering around the improvised stage.

“You said you wanted to tell me something earlier, what was it?” Merlin got himself a soda, throwing a beer can to Arthur.”

“No heavy drinking tonight, huh?” He asked.

“Well, I’m technically still working, you see.” He winked. “Besides, I hate drinking when I know I’m going to dance. It makes me nauseated.”

“Makes sense.”

“What is it, then? Why are you being all mysterious about it?”

“I’m not. It’s just… I don’t know if it’s good news or not. I-I was offered a very good position at the company, and well, I accepted it.”

Merlin sat in front of him, looking confused.

“Ok… What’s the matter, then?”

“I don’t know, really.” Arthur laughed, faintheartedly. “It’s just that, I feel a bit like I wasn’t supposed to, you know? Like I was supposed to leave this boring stuff behind and do something entirely different with my life.”

“Like being a musician?” Merlin smiled, as if he knew exactly what Arthur was thinking.

“Maybe.”

Merlin took a sip of his soda, sitting down and resting his back on one of the couches they’d placed by the counter for space.

“But are you still that person?” Merlin asked, abruptly, and Arthur felt it like a punch in the guts.

“Not really.”

Merlin smiled.

“You haven’t missed anything, you know. I mean, did you want to accept that position? Did you think it was the right thing, then?”

“I honestly did.” Arthur replied. “I studied hard for it and I’m really good at it.”

“It’s a good thing you said yes, then.”

“You make it all sound so simple.”

Merlin laughed, getting closer to where Arthur was sitting, placing his hand on Arthur’s leg, reassuringly.

“There’s no right path, Arthur. This whole ‘you’re meant to do this or that’ is bollocks. And I have only one thing to say to you about this matter: Congratulations.”

Arthur let out a small laugh, leaning over and giving Merlin a quick kiss. Merlin looked down, a bit embarrassed.

“How come you’re so wise and all? Sometimes it feels like you’re four hundred years old or something.”

“Well, the music gods have spoken to me.” Merlin lifted his head, smirking.

“Oh yeah, are they speaking to you right now?”

Merlin closed his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples, making Arthur laugh.

“Uhm, they are saying you shouldn’t worry so much. And they are also saying you look great in a suit.”

“Oh, really? That’s very useful information.”

“Yes… And they are saying that ‘One Hot Minute’ is an utter disaster, a completely forgettable album.”

“They did not say that!” Arthur pulled Merlin closer, making him open his eyes and let out an amused laugh.

“The music gods don’t lie, Arthur, they…” He started, being interrupted by Arthur’s lips on his, kissing him hard this time. Arthur held him close, grabbing every part of him he could place his hands on. He could not hold back anymore. Everything he wanted at that moment was that. Merlin moaned in the kiss, touching Arthur’s face gently with both hands, being unique at it, as he was at everything.

The Schrödingers were now playing a raw punk song and the crowd was going crazy. But only muffled sounds got to them.

“Is- is this alright?” Arthur asked, after a while, catching his breath.

“Yeah…” Merlin answered, feeling breathless himself. “It’s quite alright. Do you… Do you want to go upstairs?”

“Aren’t you technically still on duty?” Arthur smirked, kissing Merlin’s neck.

“That’s…” Merlin moaned again, trying to stay still. “That’s technically true.”

“Yeah, I really want to go upstairs. I want to listen to your records all night.”

Merlin laughed at the choice of words, getting up and dragging Arthur outside, so they could use the entrance beside the store. He reached for his keys, clumsily and, as soon as he opened it, he was pressed against the wall of the dark narrowed hall before the stairs.

“Just so you know…” He said, feeling Arthur up underneath his shirt. “You’re gonna need more than one night to listen to it all.”

“Oh, I’m totally fine with that.” Arthur said, kissing him again. It was like he could not help himself, which made their way to Merlin’s door much longer than it should have been.

Once they got there, though, everything moved faster. Arthur couldn’t even remember being in the living room when he found himself shirtless in Merlin’s bed, the kid climbing over him till he got to the stereo on the bedside table.

“There’s no way this is happening without a proper soundtrack.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Arthur answered, taking advantage of the position Merlin had put himself on to run his hands down his thighs.

Arthur heard a click from the stereo before Merlin went back to his former place, sitting on his lap, half-undressed as well.

“Wait.” He said, holding Arthur down. “I have a very important question. Your answer could change the whole course of things.”

“What is it?”

“If you had to choose, at gun point let’s say: Oasis or Blur?”

Arthur laughed, feeling more content than ever. It just couldn’t get better than that. A perfect job, a perfect life, a sense of self-accomplishment. Doing everything people expect you to, or spitting a big ‘fuck you’ at the world. It didn’t matter. None of that could ever measure up to this.

“What do you take me for? A self-entitled upper class snob? Blur, of course! All the way!”

Merlin laughed, clearly amused, and deeply satisfied with the answer, as the tune started filling the air once again.

“You turn me on and nothing’s wrong…” He sang under his breath. “I just slip away and I’m gone.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for all your support, guys! I hope this fic has brought some music into your lives! : )  
> Special thanks to AHaresBreath for reviewing it! You're great!! <3  
> Here's Merlin's playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/jaques_sco/playlist/6kWFEqabaSQqteMHNIYog1  
> Come say hi on tumblr! http://outlandishing.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. So, if you spot anything weird (grammatically speaking :D), please let me know. I'd really appreciate the feedback.


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